And I Thought She Was Just Stupid

She always seems good for a laugh.
Her wheat is much less than her chaff
Why'd she say what she said?
Not the air in her head!
It's not her fault Bachmann makes gaffes.

Michelle Bachmann blames her busy schedule for the verbal miscues she has been making. Not the fact, of course that she is not the brightest bulb on the tree.

Herpa Derpa Dicky Doo

Though he has just started his run
it's clear that all facts he will shun.
and his campaign herped
so hard that it derped.
Dick Perry will stick to his guns.

Dick Perry has said that he will stand by the inane and utterly anti-factual comments he has made recently.

A limerickist could make a career off this guy.

Markuze Charged On 16 Counts

Though it took longer than thought,
charges have finally been brought.
Now Dennis Markuze
has been accused.
"Mabus", at last, has been caught!

Inflicting us all with his screeds
since we adhered not to his creeds
Voices from the throng
helped push this along.
Let's hope he gets the help he needs.

Dennis Markuze, aka David Mabus, has been charged with uttering death threats and for criminally harassing seven victims. He was ordered to go through 30 days of psychiatric evaluations, and another hearing is scheduled for September 19th.

The Curative Power of Water Is No Match For My Taunting!

Homeopathy's back in the news
Of fraud, Boiron's been accused
I more than suspect
it has no effect
You don't like it? You can just sue.

Their flu "remedy" is a hoax
it "cures" you by mirrors and smoke
There's nothing that works.
So stop being jerks!
or another taunt you'll provoke.

Mass con-artist and water-manufacturer Boiron is suing an Italian blogger for libel after he said that its product oscillococcinum had "no active ingredient" . I have a response for Boiron:

Sue me.

I have no legal resources. I am easy prey for you to test out your mighty legal machine. Your products are shams of the worst sort, and you make your money by lying to people. You market false hope, and sucker in those people who don't know any better. They don't know any better BECAUSE YOU LIE TO THEM.

So sue me. Prove to the world the veracity of your claims by bringing them into open court. If your product does what is claimed, then you should have no fears about proving that it works as you say, and the mechanisms by which it works. Easy for you to do, no?

Pictured: Water and lies.

Science Works When You Let It

If you have a church alliance
and you want to teach science
and you start to act
like genetics is fact
You'll get released for noncompliance.

A tenured professor at Calvin College has vacated his position because he dared to say that science, in fact, exists. Apparently he published a paper saying that the genetic evidence would preclude humanity growing from only 2 people.

My Most Egregious Limerick To Date

Somethings just need to be said:
Though it sucks to find anyone dead
When you make a career
on peddling fear
It pays to not be a coke-head.

Eventually we all have to go.
After life? It's all an unknown.
But here's what I'd do
if I got to choose:
I'd go covered with hookers and blow.

Gawker tells of a Mega-church pastor found dead in Times Square, with a suspicious white powder in an envelope. I will bet against any odds that it isn't anthrax.

Choices, Choices, And All Are Wrong.

Christians and Muslims and Jews,
Scientologists and Hindus,
Mormons and Jainists,
you're all the samest.
I'll mock you whichever you choose.

Thanks For Everything, Jenny!

Jenny McCarthy was heeded.
Now vaccinations, though needed
have been eschewed.
Will illness ensue?
Her folly, it seems, has succeeded.

In Miami-Dade county they've got
a quarter, almost, kids un-shot.
The kids aren't to blame,
They're part of this game.
But they'll reap what their parents have bought.

23% That's how many children in Miami-Dade county have not been vaccinated prior to school starting. That number is disgusting, and all anti-vax people should be ashamed of themselves.

On Martian Aquifers and Noachian Submersion

NASA says "Water's on Mars!"
to some that might sound bizarre.
Though no one asked how
a creationist found
a reason how it got so far.

Four-thousand (or so) years ago
God, unto Noah did bestow
a pair of each kind,
a seafaring mind
and escape from the status quo.

Hurlbut has a new theory
Though the math isn't real clear, he
says that the liquid
not maybe but DID
came from the Earth. Now I'm weary.

The water on Mars is because
the Earth once suffered a flood.
Wait! How can that be?
Oh. I think I see...
He's as dense as a big bag of spuds.

NASA has indeed discovered evidence that suggests briny water is flowing on Mars. This is really neat science, and we do not yet understand all of the mechanics of the Martian water cycle. But this...oh this is soooo not the answer.

Terry Hurlbut is described as "a student of politics, philosophy, and science for more than 35 years", as well as, apparently, an astrophysicist, geologist and a specialist in hydraulics and hydrodynamics. I claim to be none of those things. I am just a reasonably intelligent guy, with at least some grasp on how physics works in the real world. And they don't work that way, Terry.

And if you wish to discuss it here, I won't moderate to keep out any tough questions I can't answer.




Hat tip to FSTDT for the link

Bye, Tim

Pawlenty has just called it quits.
Taken his money and split.
All I can say
at the end of the day:
nobody could give two shits.

MSNBC reports on Tim Pawlenty dropping out as a candidate for the Republican nomination for president. It was expected, seeing as the time and money he poured into the flawed, idiotic straw polls in Iowa paid off in a third place finish.

More Dick!

Though he's a mean, hateful cuss,
and right-minded people will fuss,
he didn't end the drought
but let there be no doubt.
Dick Perry! (before he dicks us)


Yep, this is a re-jiggering of my 2008 Dick Cheney limerick.

Vote For Dick!

Sure he's exclusionary.
And quite reactionary.
When ballots are out
make sure there's no doubt.
Give Dick Perry your vote...tionary

Yes, I know he prefers to go by Rick. No, I do not give a flying fuck. Anyone born with the name Richard knows that being called Dick comes with the name. Most of my childhood was spent fighting people who called me anything other than Richard. Except, of course, that period in the mid '80s when I wanted to be called Ricky, and dreamt that Toni Basil was singing to me. But that is another, much more disturbing story.

The point here is that Dick Perry is an exclusionary asshole, a Dominionist fuckwad, and all-around bad person.

Now with REAL PICTURES!

He just made his candidacy clear.

The others try to hide their fear.

The fundies are wowed.

If you look o'er the clouds

you can see Perry's numbers from here.

I'm not a fan of Rick Perry. Not even a little bit. I saw this picture on MSNBC and the limerick almost wrote itself. There will be Perry limericks aplenty once he oficially makes the announcement that he is going to announce his candidacy.

No Limerick Today.

Sometimes I don't know what to say.
Sometimes the world gets in the way.
I'll just spill the beans
and say what this means:
There'll be no new limerick today!

Shocking

Storm's coming in, you're outside?
Head into the house - run and hide!
That's what poor Fred did,
he ran and he hid
but found himself electrified

Poor Fred Waters. Standing in his home, enjoying a passing summer storm, then lightning hits him. Is no place safe from the evils of nature?

Opportunity

Not quite a walk through the clover
Thirty-two kilometers passed over.
The tough little tater
found Endeavor Crater.
We're all proud of that little rover.

With daring ingenuity
and engineering acuity
NASA's given us
a sturdy l'il cuss-
the Amazing Opportunity!

After three years on Mars, NASA reports that the rover Opportunity has reached Spirit Point, named after its sister rover. Spirit's mission was officially declared over in May, 2010, yet Opportunity chugs on.

Dinner

Obama and two NFL stars
will share a nice meal for Iftar.
This breaking of bread
explodes fundie heads
The responses are sad and bizarre

President Obama is hosting the annual Iftar dinner, featuring NFL stars, and brothers Hamza and Husain (Go Vikings!) Abdullah. The rhetoric from the loonie fringe has been predictable. Because, they say, Obama is hosting a dinner for a Muslim event, he must be a Muslim himself!

Since the tradition was instituted under former President Bush, that means, following their logic, that Bush was a Muslim also! That explains why he never got Bin Laden! But wait, Obama got Bin Laden, and he is a super-sekrit muslim usurper.

I confused myself.

Decisions

Bachmann says she is God's fling,
'til Perry throws his hat in the ring
Which one is a fraud,
which one talks to God?
Which one's gonna lead the crazed-wing?

Sometimes rhymes can get lazy
when right-wing idiots make me hazy.
But if I had said
there's a voice in MY head
you'd all just say I'm fucking crazy.

Bachmann, by her own admission
to her husband has pledged submission.
If he would just ask
it would be her task
to get in her favorite position.

Rick Perry, I think, is just messin'
with our heads. He thinks he's a blessin'.
I think that y'all
should give him a call
and say we don't need a new Texan.

Michelle Bachmann has said that she allows her husband to make her decisions for her, just like any godly woman should. These, fairly major, decisions include her attending law school, when she admitted that she had no interest in law.

Rick Perry, the other insane fundamentalist, wrapped up an exclusionary and hypocritical prayer rally last weekend.. He has said that he will announce a time to schedule a press conference to announce a date that he will make an announcement.

Daisies

When you're belly up like a cod
In a hole, 6 by 3 'neath the sod
when your last synapse
has finally collapsed
it won't matter if you worshiped a god.

The basics of this limerick came to me in that hazy fog of half-sleep. I'm not sure my brain and I get along anymore.

A New BFF

My newest best friend's Jenny Beth.
Tea Party Patriots head douchette
But it's patriotic
and not idiotic
To owe the IRS a huge debt.

So, Jenny Beth Martin is the head of the Tea Party Patriots, one of the groups responsible for nearly shutting down the government because of the debt ceiling debacle. Apparently, she owes the IRS nearly $700,000 in back taxes for a failed business. As the business was failing, she and her husband increased revenue to save it. No, sorry, they increased their debt by way of credit cards. I guess increasing a debt limit is always bad, except for when it isn't.

Oh yeah, she also makes $6,000 per month for being the head of the TPP. $72,000 each year for preaching at people that the government has to be fiscally responsible, yet she claims she can't afford to buy a car. So she uses a $27/day rental. $810 is a lot of money for not being able to afford a car payment.

My advice to Jenny Beth? Stop being hypocritical, stop telling your followers to hold the country hostage, stop telling people that compromise is a dirty word, and stop putting your politics over the good of the entire country.

Knitting

Each month, the first Sunday's exciting.
An event that is oh so delighting.
I spend time with my chicks
who show me new tricks,
and have always been very inviting.

The first Sunday of every month has become a special time for me. Because of medical issues, I don't have many opportunities to do much socializing. When I leave the house, it is for an appointment or to go to the store. But the first Sunday, I get to knit. It might not sound like much, but I really enjoy the Central Ohioans for Rational Inquiry Skeptical Crochet and Knitting Circle.

Thanks, ladies, for making this guy feel welcome.

Orange

Goo washes in off the sea.
No one knows what it could be.
It's oily and orange
like a rusty door hinge.
Or just like American Cheese.

Hah!

CNN reports on a strange substance that washed up on the shores of a village in Alaska.

Thanks for the link, Cuttlefish.


UPDATE:  Scientific American reports that the orange goo is crustacean egg mass. Scrambled.

My new pal

I met a new friend, name of Sandy.
She hates it when people get randy.
The problem is she's
getting down on her knees.
Which her invisible friend thinks is dandy.

Think Progress spins a tale of idiocy, where a female pundit compares necessary medical coverage to manicures and pedicures. I wonder what happened to her, that she hates the rest of her gender. That's the only reason I could think of for that level of stupid. I guess it could also be money.

Hat tip to Ed Brayton

On Aviating Suidae

"Evolution? Bah, when pigs fly!"
AiG says, with fire in eye.
"You can't add info
to ANY gene's code!
Man from monkeys? Biology's lie!"


Of course certain processes do
change a gene's codes through and through.
But that takes an act
of reason and facts.
Not Jesus, or Odin, or Q.


PZ posted about how AiG has disproven evolution, or whatever it is that AiG claimed they did.

Sense

Some people might find it odd
that there just aren't many new jobs.
But it makes perfect sense,
in dollars and cents,
as businesses love their true god.

This one might seem a bit derivative of "Perfect Sense", by Roger Waters, but he was referring specifically to churches bilking the believers. Besides, it is a universal theme.

MSNBC, again. Basically, companies have no incentive to hire more people, so we suffer as corporations rake in record setting profits. GM has doubled profits, and new hires aren't coming. But rolling back the Bush tax cuts will cause jobs to be destroyed.

Money? Get back.

The rich are just better than we.
A glimpse at the news and you'll see.
The courts are okay
with this pay-to-play.
I guess it pays to be wealthy.

MSNBC reports on a corporation forming, donating $1M to Romney's campaign, then dissolving, thereby hiding all traces of where the money came from. This is what happens when political donations are ruled to be free speech, and then that free speech coverage is extended to corporations.

New Moon

To explain the moon's odd far side
a new hypothesis has been derived.
It's new 'neath the sun:
Two moons became one.
Wreaking havoc with early Earth's tides.

LA Times has the story of the new hypothesis. I was under the impression that calculations proved that the Moon was spun of the Earth after a collision of a Mars-sized planetoid. That explained the larger iron core of the Earth and the increased regolith and smaller core of the Moon.

Vikings?

Westboro's got a new thing.
To Norway they now want to bring:
Their backwards ideas,
their hate and their fears.
Can we bring back the old school Vikings?


From this news post. Google translate, because I don't read Norwegian.

Ode to Cuttlefish

Where have I seen this before?
Skeptical limericks? For sure!
'Tis a mighty fine thought,
and I'm glad that it caught.
But now, you know THIS MEANS WAR!

I was a little upset once Cuttlefish started posting his daily limericks, but quickly realized that was childish. I'll just do them better :-)