Monday, January 30, 2012

She Blinded Me...

If you think the Koran is true,
then do what real scientists do:
Observe and then test.
Don't just make a guess,
don't count on what your "prophet" knew.

PZ tells a story about Islamic "science", in which the words of the Prophet Muhammad are subject to the scientific method. The issue, however, is that if you were to use shoddy science, you could prove anything, from a fly being dipped twice in a drink curing the diseases it carries to the existence of extra-terrestrials building the Egyptian pyramids.

Sunday, January 29, 2012


The "good" book says "Vengeance is mine!",
and judgement is from the divine.
But just like that game
called "Phone" that we played
something got lost down the line.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Political Porn

Tonight we'll know the Union's state,
which we all know ain't all that great.
The President says
we'll see better days,
but it seems we'll just have to wait.

For the record, I am an Obama supporter. When he was running in 2008, we donated $25 to his campaign. We will not be doing that this time around. He seriously dropped the ball on the NDAA signing. Even though his "signing statement" stated that the indefinite detention would not apply to American citizens, what is to stop a future president from revoking that statement? Or even himself, at a later date. He has shown a bit more spine recently, though, with the recess appointment of Richard Cordray and standing up to the Republican idiocy in the House.

Tonight is the State of the Union Address. In it, President Obama is planning to lay out a path for future economic growth. The only way that can happen, in my view, is to cut spending (including military), increase taxes on capital gains to reflect the rest of the tax rates, decrease deductions and loopholes (including deductions for churches), and increase education and R&D spending. Only then can we truly compete in this global economy.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Michael Behe Is A Moron

Behe is causing me pain
Intelligence he often feigns.
Explain to me, please
how he walks and sees
with such a less evolved brain.

Michael Behe is an idiot. It is a tribute to the tolerance, patience and freedoms allotted to him that he is allowed to continue to spew his uninformed lies to the masses and claim it as "science". I'm not the smartest man on the planet. I don't have a college degree. I write limericks. But, and here's the important distinction, I am not a moron. I will not lie about or distort scientific findings to try and prop up an idea about the main deity of a bronze-age, desert dwelling goat herder. If I am shown to be wrong about a statement or a belief I hold, then I am willing to change it. That's what makes me different than a serial liar like Michael Behe.

Nothing is more or less evolved than any other thing. Because we are more complex than an amoeba does not mean we are "more evolved". That's a trap that most people fall into, if they don't really understand what evolution truly is.

Get educated about evolution.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

It's As If Everyday Is My Birthday!

This year, for the lulz I'm rootin'.
The right? Their own feet they're shootin'.
Let's vote for the dope
and real soon, I hope,
we'll be cruisin' for a Newton

Newt Gingrich is the Hero of South Carolina, beating Mitt by nearly 13%. Since Dick Perry dropped out, my allegiance for laughs have shifted to Newt.

Newt and Mitt discuss their chances of winning in November

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Love And Marriage And Bigotry

Sometimes these excuses are great,
and add humor to the debate.
They'll stand up and fight,
say "Don't take our rights!"
"If it's religious it's not hate!"

So, the newest argument from the religious leaders is that the legalization of same-sex marriage will cause them to be seen as bigots(PDF), therefore the marriages should not be allowed.

"As religious leaders across a wide variety of faith communities, 
we join together to affirm that marriage in its true definition must 
be protected for its own sake and for the good of society."

"In short, the refusal of these religious organizations to treat 
a same-sex sexual relationship as if it were a marriage 
marked them and their members as bigots, subjecting them 
to the full arsenal of government punishments 
and pressures reserved for racists."

Hey guys, I have a secret for you...

If you don't want to be seen as bigots the DON'T ACT LIKE A BIGOT.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

See Dick. See Dick Run Away

He's leaving the stage in disgrace.
There's no way that he can save face.
The derp that he spewed
would leave us all screwed
Let's be glad he's out of the race.

Dammit all straight to the fiery pits of hell. Dick Perry, the biggest moron in the GOP race this year (and that's saying something), has dropped out of contention for the Republican nomination for president.

I has a sad.

That is sooo Takei.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Stay Strong, Jessica.

From Cranston, there once was a lass
who handled attackers with class.
The religious screed:
"She'll cow if bullied!"
stopped when she handed them their ass.

Jessica Ahlquist, student extraordinaire, has come under increasing fire from state legislators in Rhode Island. It is not, apparently, the job of a government official to uphold the United States Constitution. At least, not when votes are on the line.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Laws Are Made To Be Broken, Right?

When you want the poor to take tests
perhaps, I think, it would be best
before driving drunk
that you would have thunk
how to get your ticket suppressed.

There is a growing movement, in some of the "red" states, to force recipients of government funds, be those funds welfare, food stamps or even unemployment, to take drug tests. Personally, I feel that those laws are a violation of the 4th Amendment, but none of them have seen a court yet. There is a state representative in Georgia, John Andrew "Kip" Smith who has introduced similar legislation in the Georgia House.

Kip was driving home from a restaurant, ran a red light, then was pulled over by a trooper. He blew .091, and then failed the field sobriety tests. At the police station he blew .099 and .100 on subsequent tests.

This is, truly, the definition of poetic justice.

So THAT'S what hypocrisy looks like.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Tyranny Of The Majority Is Still Tyranny.

Palumbo's shown to be a fool.
Laws are now suggestions not rules?
He picks on a teen
who's "evil and mean",
and thinks prayers are okay in school.

Peter Palumbo is not a nice person. After Jessica Ahlquist won her fight to have the banner removed from the Cranston West High School gym wall, he called her an "evil little thing". who is "being coerced by evil people".

Palumbo needs to grow up a bit, and realize that laws are to protect EVERYBODY. He also needs to recognize courage when he sees it, and to stand up for what's right.

Why Campaign At All?

"Let them eat cake" is the quote.
Born rich? Then you shouldn't gloat.
Hand out a pittance,
then say good riddance.
The best way to win is buy votes.

Mitt. Such a down to earth normal Joe. If that "normal Joe" inherited millions of dollars from his father, got every opportunity handed to him then became a politician who will do or say anything to anyone for a vote, then he's the most normal Joe there is.

Mitt Romney, Schrodinger's candidate for president, was at a campaign stop in South Carolina. At this stop, he was approached by a woman with a story about how her electricity was turned off, and how was he going to help her. He reached into his wallet and handed her "50 or 60 dollars". A man who is campaigning partially on a platform of boot-strappiness and no government handouts hands out money to random strangers at campaign stops.


It appears that this woman, Ruth Williams, was apparently a volunteer for the Romney campaign. So an act of supposed kindness turns out to be a calculated political move that, if not blatantly illegal, should be at least investigated by the FEC.

What bootstraps might look like

Friday, January 13, 2012

With Great Power Comes Great Dickishness.

It would be nice if he cared,
perched on his throne in the air.
If all his grandeur
would help out the poor,
or if he did good anywhere.

God, as we have been told, is a stand-up kind of fellow. A really good guy, they say. That is why, in a new poll, 43 percent of people asked stated that they thought God was helping Tim Tebow win football games. 54 percent of people identifying as Republicans answered in the affirmative as well. So, instead of relieving pain and suffering that occurs worldwide, instead of stopping rapes and murders and genocide across the world, instead of protecting people from hurricanes, tornadoes and earthquakes, the "all-loving" God is helping a holier-than-though second-rate quarterback win football games.

That's a deity who, even if he did exist, I could not follow. That guy sounds like a dick.

God's own quarterback.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Victory For Rationalism

Jessica's battle's been won
but there's still much more to be done!
Though now she is slurred
she stood to be heard
and we're better off in the long run.

Jessica Ahlquist, a student in Cranston High School West, walked in on the first day of school and saw this banner:

As you can plainly see, it is a purely secular message, that is all inclusive of every belief. At least, that's what the administration of the school wanted a judge to believe. Jessica, with help from the ACLU, brought suit against the school to have the banner removed, citing violations of the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment. Today, a judge sided with her, and the school has 10 days to remove the banner.

Congratulations for standing strong, Jessica. You are an inspiration. I hope my children will be as strong as you are when they get older.

Can't Beat 'Em? Blow 'Em All Up!

The GOP is now sweatin'.
South Carolina is gettin'
to be a good place
for an ugly race.
Gingrich declared Armageddon.

One of the great things about following politics is the personalities involved. Newt, if you remember from the '90s, shut down the government as Speaker of the House, by not allowing a vote on budgets. He did this because, on a flight on Air Force One, he was asked to sit towards the rear of the plane, away from the president and other dignitaries. Now, in the style only a truly petulant child could bring, Newt has decided to fire both barrels at Mitt in the South Carolina primary race.

A scorched earth policy would truly be the best thing for the Republicans, at least in the humble opinion of this pinko-commie heathen.

The Traveler has come.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Humor Is Simple

I could come at this many ways
and tell jokes for days upon days.
A sight to behold,
this headline is gold:
"Has Santorum Gone Soft On Gays?"

As I said, I am a HUGE fan of the Republicans. This is a real headline that was published by a reasonably well-respected online publication. Just think: If Santorum wasn't such a hateful person, we wouldn't have the alternate definition and this would be just another headline.

Penis goes where?

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Schrodinger's Candidate

Victory, Mitt has attained.
Too soon yet to pop the champagne.
The rest still remain.
I can't stand the strain.
I need something to numb my brain.

So, the New Hampshire primary is over. Mitt Romney won, which was only a surprise to anyone who has not read any news over the last 6 months. What might be more of a surprise, considering the "santorum surge", is that RON PAUL won second place. And, after all, the only way to save the GOP is to vote for RON PAUL!

The title is taken from Schrodinger's Cat. From the Wiki:

One can even set up quite ridiculous cases. A cat is penned up in a steel chamber, along with the following device (which must be secured against direct interference by the cat): in a Geiger counter, there is a tiny bit of radioactive substance, so small that perhaps in the course of the hour, one of the atoms decays, but also, with equal probability, perhaps none; if it happens, the counter tube discharges, and through a relay releases a hammer that shatters a small flask of hydrocyanic acid. If one has left this entire system to itself for an hour, one would say that the cat still lives if meanwhile no atom has decayed. The psi-function of the entire system would express this by having in it the living and dead cat (pardon the expression) mixed or smeared out in equal parts. 

Mitt Romney is Schrodinger's candidate. He can be two different people at the same time.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Happy Birthday, Stephen Hawking!

His mind always leaves us gawking.
His theories have everyone talking.
The universe does
make more sense because
the brilliance of Stephen Hawking.

Stephen Hawking celebrated his 70th birthday today. His mind is one of the greatest to ever grace our fair planet, and his contributions to our understanding of it are almost unparalleled.

Beer brings together minds of all sizes.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Monkey Mayhem

Need guidance? You just have to ask.
Grandpa is up to the task!
He'll soon pick who wins
New Hampshire, and then
the idiocy will be unmasked.

Grandpa, the howler monkey described as "barely psychic", will be picking the winner of the New Hampshire primary. Well, he'll be choosing a banana with a candidate's name written on it, but is that REALLY much different from how we do things?

My grandpa weren't no monkey.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Not Safe For Work. Not Safe for LUNCH.

He really is a stupid lout
who's numbers, by now, should go south.
Looks like a chia,
he spews diarrhea
and thick santorum from his mouth.

Slick Dick Santorum has brought out the old, tired slippery slope argument again, saying if "anyone can marry anybody else...then everyone can marry several people." Although my wife and I are not choosing polyamory or polygamy, why should consenting adults be told what they can (or can't) do in their own homes?

I really am confused by the cognitive dissonance on the right. How can you claim to be for smaller government and in the next breath want the government in everyone's bedroom? It really is something only an Electric Monk could believe. But even the Monk's circuits might get overloaded by the level of idiocy exhibited by the current Republican party.

You can tell his family values him.

The "chia" rhyme is forced. I'm sorry for that.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Running Forever And Going Nowhere.

Iowa takes center stage
hoping to soon turn the page.
They raise a ruckus
running their caucus
with ideas from the stone age.

The Iowa caucus is today. So much bluster, and yet it will mean almost nothing.

Family values I can support.

Monday, January 2, 2012

A Tangled Web.

Republicans keep telling lies.
They think that their elders were wise.
They ignore the facts:
Reagan raised taxes
and put blame on the other guys.

The Republican house majority leader, Eric Cantor, denied the fact that the current messiah of his party raised taxes at all. As a point of fact, he signed a tax increase each year between 1981 and 1987. Cantor wants to deny that history actually happened and wants to make it up as he goes along.

Pictured: Republican Jesus

Icons And Idiots

Cee Lo Green is in the news
expressing religionist views.
It's stupid and wrong
to change such a song
and in the end all of us lose.

Cee Lo Green appeared in Times Square for the New Years Eve celebration. The song he chose to sing was "Imagine", by John Lennon. It is a beautiful song, expressing how we could live in peaceful harmony if we put the idiotic things behind us, things that people us to "otherize" those who look or believe differently than themselves.

There is a line in the song, "Nothing to kill or die for, no religion, too". This expresses the belief that religion is something that people kill or die for, and a world without religion would help us all to live in harmony. Green, however, changed the lyric to "Nothing to kill or die for, all religions true". The idiocy of such an inane statement should be apparent to anyone with two brain cells. The obvious fallacy is that all religions CAN'T be true, as most belief systems are mutually exclusive. The thing that has upset most music fans is that "Imagine" is an iconic song, written by an iconic songwriter.

Cee Lo Green is nowhere near as talented, nor as smart, as John Lennon.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Shameless Plug

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When Desperation Meets Dumb.

Pity the mind of poor Newt
who seems is in it for the loot.
With his offenses
come to your senses
and give this poor fucker the boot.

I am a fan of the Republican primary season. Not because I have a horse in the race, but because of the humor. The humor is amazing. This primary season is one that Thurber would write, or Twain, or any other great American satirist. The Republican candidates are not presidential. They are parodies of what an awful president would be. The Republicans have put forward a group of candidates that you might expect to be allowed to run by a tin-pot dictator in a banana republic, not legitimate contenders to the highest position in the country, and the leader of the free world.

Take, for example, Newt Gingrich. After falling like a stone from the front-runner position, he has attempted to curry favor from the idiots that encompass the base of the right by making this statement:

“I, also, am an amateur paleontologist, so I’ve spent 
a lot of time looking at the earth’s temperature 
over a long time, and I’m a lot harder to convince 
than just looking at a computer model.”

That right there is weapons grade stupid. That is not the kind of statement a thinking person makes. That is the kind of statement an idiot makes. Or a hypocrite pandering for votes.

I think both descriptions fit.

Former Speaker Gingrich and his wife, Stepford.

Politics Of The Bizarre

Some things just should not be said
when sanity hangs by a thread.
On crazy you've binged,
your mind is unhinged
and you have your pants on your head.

I'm starting off the new blog and the new year with something that's take-your-breath-away silly. Exopolitics is a different kind of special. Not as blatantly crazy as TimeCube, but pretty far out there. There is an article, for example, that states that President Obama visited Mars in 1980. Twice. It's true, the author says, because two government chrononauts told him so. And if you can't trust a government chrononaut, well who can you trust?

Historical footage of Obama's Mars mission.

Image courtesy of whyRpeoplesostupid