Friday, September 30, 2011

Happy Blasphemy Rights Day!

Want to blaspheme? It's your right!
Because, in this world, God's a blight.
If you'd be inclined
to open your mind
the fires of freedom you'll ignite.

Today is International Blasphemy Rights Day. One thing that Americans take for granted, for the most part, is the freedom of speech.. People in other parts of the world are not as lucky. Some people take their religion seriously, and I understand that. But killing someone because they said or drew something that parodies or satirizes your religion is wrong.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

It's Your Money, Pay For It Now

Use B of A? You're outta luck.
It's your cash? They don't give a fuck.
They find it funny:
To get your money
you have to give them five bucks.

Bank of America has decided to charge people to access their own money. That's right. If you want to spend the money that you have earned, you have to pay BoA for that right. $5 every month. Fuck you, BoA.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Dick Retracts Controversial Statement. News At 11.

Dick Perry said he misspoke
or maybe he suffered a srtoke
He acts so monstrous
and calls others heartless.
His campaign is such a joke.

Dick Perry, that slimy, pandering piece of scum has said that his remarks calling his opponents 'heartless' were inappropriate.

Who'd have thunk that he would try to retract a comment that turned off some of the Republican base?

On The Proximity Of An Elected Official

To find the source of their fear
and why their heads aren't so clear
Just look in their eyes.
you'll find no surprise:
It's because the president's near.

Yup. Blazing Saddles jokes. I have no shame.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Tuesday Never! Thursday Forever!

Hang him from the highest tree!
Poke out his eyes! Kick his knees!
It takes balls to say
you worship Tuesday
when Thursday's the truest belief!

My nemesis, Cuttlefish, has declared himself to be a Tuesdayist. This calls for a crusade! I implore all two of my loyal readers to stand with me against the darkness. He may have numbers, but with right on our side, we will be heralded with glorious limericks that shall last through the ages!

Monday, September 26, 2011

How Can You Make Ends Meet When You Can't See Them?

You feel like you have little power
as you look up at their gilded tower.
You let slip a sigh
and try to get by:
Surviving on nine bucks an hour.

You try hard to make both ends meet.
You can't? Then you're out on the street.
So force on a grin
and go out again
and don't let the world know you're beat.

Minimum wage has been getting a lot of press recently, because of Dick Perry's claims that he created sooo many jobs in Texas, without regard to the pay. We've had to make some of these same choices, even recently, and it really sucks to have to choose between a week's meals or a doctor's appointment. Both parents working doesn't get much better, because the cost of childcare quickly eats up any additional income.

Life is difficult, and we don't need politicians making it harder for those of us with little means.

Now you can play a little game, and see what it's like.

Hat tip

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Suffering For Suffrage

They're getting some freedom in stages.
Now voting. Next driving and wages?
But Muslim women
are worth half of men.
Their faith keeps them in the Dark Ages.

In an interesting development, the King of Saudi Arabia has decreed that women will have the right to vote in municipal elections. They would also have the right to serve on the Shura Council, which provides consultation to the leadership.

This is a big step that I hope will lead towards gender equality. I doubt it though, because Islam is notoriously misogynistic, and all religions are used to control others.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Who's Side is God Really On?

They hold their skills in low esteem.
To me, that is how it seems.
If you kneel and pray,
things don't go your way,
does that mean God don't like your team?

Constantly confusing to me is the act of praying before, during and after a sporting event. Both sides pray to, ostensibly, the same deity. How does God decide who is going to win? Does the team that prays harder get to win? What about the team that has more people praying for them?

A Reason To Get Out Of Bed In The Morning

I always yearn for you aw'fly
I'm glad I can get you law'fly
You make every day
great in its own way.
Thanks for being special, coffee


Friday, September 23, 2011

Reformation Through Evil

They say they want people to change.
The method they're using is strange.
If they took a look
at what's in that book
they'd see that they're really deranged

Yes, the bible is an evil book. It tells of a petty, vindictive, nasty, childish deity who would kill humanity as soon as look at it.

Now a judge in Alabama wants to use that book as a punishment, giving people who are charged with misdemeanors the choice between serving jail time and going to church every Sunday for a year. Mike Rowland, chief of police in Bay Minette, Alabama says it's all legal, because people will get a 'choice'.

We're Supposed To Be The Civilized Ones

This story can't be dismissed:
We're slipping into the abyss.
This proves that vengeance
determines the sentence
It's never been about justice.

If anyone tells you that the death penalty is not about revenge, they are lying to you. Lying through their teeth. I know that some people support the state-sanctioned murder of inmates. Hell, there was a time in my life that I would have agreed with them. But by denying them their last meals, on the grounds that "their victims didn't get to choose their last meals", removes any last bit of civility they might have claimed.

We're supposed to be better than this.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Madness. Utter Madness.

The crazy's at critical mass.
Does this prove we lost all our class?
We're now at the brink.
It'll drive you to drink,
Ted Haggard, with a different ass.

Ted Haggard, notorious meth-head and serial buggerrer, is going to appear on Wife Swap with coke-head Gary Busey.

Santorum. It's What's For Dinner.

He breaks the bounds of decorum.
He's failed in the public forum.
He's a spineless skink.
Must be hard to think
with a head full of santorum.

Santorum. Now Santorum (the presidential candidate) wants Google to change their search results.

Knives Grow On Trees, Right?

She's toying with obscurity
and still screeching like a banshee.
She had a good run,
her campaign's 'bout done
she's not the sharpest knife on the tree.

Poor Michelle Bachmann. Her inanity will come to an end soon, I believe. She's been a source of much humor, but her idiocy will cause even the most anti-intellectual voters in the GOP to shy away from her.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Why Does Dick Hate Chicks?

"Love Thy Neighbor" says the Christian
It's not a rule they keep hidden.
But the evidence
is his arrogance:
It's clear that Dick Perry hates women.

If he doesn't hate women, he holds them in the deepest disdain. Why else would he cut health care for women?

And please don't take "chicks" in the headline as an insult. I mean nothing ill by it.

They Were Asked, They Told "I Do"

A story that I think is swell.
A couple just heard wedding bells!
Don't need God above
to approve of their love.
The death of Don't Ask Don't Tell.

Just after midnight, a Navy Lt. married his love. It was the first time he was allowed to express himself as he truly was, a homosexual service-member. Countless lives and careers have been destroyed by that short-sighted law. Good riddance.

Next step: Get the Federal Government to recognize their marriage, so his husband can get the benefits of being married to an officer.

Monday, September 19, 2011

He Knows The Birds In The Fields?

They say a new specie was found
and the meaning of it is profound.
Darwin's theory still weighs
so strong to this day.
Evolution, you see, still abounds.

Scientists have discovered genetic evidence that a new species of sparrow has evolved recently. This really does put the lie to creationism, or the "Intelligent Design" idiocy. Of course, the next lie from that camp will be to say that god or whatever intelligence is in charge put it there, but having genetic evidence kinda nips that in the bud.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Dammit, Vikings!

It seems the defense has a thing
to not stop what offenses bring.
The defense? Run through.
They're now oh-and-two
Dammit! Stop losing, Vikings!

Before this NFL season started, I predicted the Minnesota Vikings would go 9-7, and sneak into the wild card. I was derided for this prediction, because everyone is certain that the NFC wild card will come from the NFC East. The East will beat the hell out of each other, allowing another team to steal the last playoff spot. I still think it will be the Vikes, but it'll be tougher.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

On The Occasion Of My Wife's Birth

Your eyes are like the finest art.
I hope that we never will part.
I just want to say:
Happiest Birthday!
I love you with all of my heart.

Science, Judged.

Can't see the future? You're liable.
This court's missed the point by a mile.
The law gets abused
and then we all lose
Whenever there's science on trial

Scientists in Italy are going on trial for manslaughter, because they didn't predict an earthquake in 2009. A lawyer for one of the scientists is worried that, because the trial will be held in the city most affected, there is a chance that his client might be convicted. Although scientists worldwide have signed statements that support the Italians, people seem to think that science is ruled by laws that don't actually exist.

Monday, September 12, 2011

What's Worse Than Being Poor? Jail.

More news that you should abhor:
Now they can lock up the poor?
Lost your job? Too bad.
So sorry, so sad.
Just casualties of the class war.

If you just can't find a way
to support, you'll really pay
Are these laws at all
Or is it more we versus they.

I wish that these judges could see
how they're causing misery.
But that's the mistake
you get when you take
the civil from civility.

Judges can order parents to serve time in jail for non-payment of child support. They can order jail time without regard to the parent's ability to pay. If a parent has been paying dutifully for years, loses a job, then cannot keep up payments, a judge can order that parent to serve a sentence. Without a trial, and even without legal representation.

This is an issue that hits home for me. My parents divorced when I was 8. As far as I know, my mother received little to no support from my father, even though he was ordered to pay. That made things more difficult for us growing up, but we survived. I don't know his situation and, frankly, I don't care. I do know that it would have made any payments impossible had he been jailed for it.

If these parents have recently become unemployed because of the shitty economy, how likely is it that they will find job searching easier after serving jail time? Even if they are the more qualified candidate, employers will hire someone who has not served in jail over them.

Child support is an extremely complex issue, and there are no simple answers. Putting a parent in jail for inability to pay should never be an answer, though.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

9/11 Was A Faith-Based Initiative

They say that we can't blame Islam
because most believers stay calm.
I believe that is true.
But think like I do:
that every religion is wrong!

Some talk of peace it might bring.
But if to old lies you must cling
then that's what you get
if you must inject
religion into everything.

10 years ago, religious zealots crashed airplanes into the towers at the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Another plane crashed in Pennsylvania after passengers fought back. Nearly 3,000 people lost their lives that day.

Over 6,000 Americans have died in the intervening 10 years, fighting "terrorism" in Afghanistan and Iraq. More than 30,000* American service members have been injured. Over 100,000 civilians have been killed since the invasions began.

We must never forget what happened that morning. We also must never forget those that have died. We must not forget the soldiers, airmen, sailors and Marines that gave their lives while serving. We must also not forget the civilians that died, those who were not involved in what transpired. Those fathers, daughters, sons, mothers, who just happened to be in the wrong place, at a time when the United States was flexing its muscle. They deserved what happened to them as much as the workers in the towers, or the firefighters and policemen who tried to save them.

We also must never forget the price we all have paid since that day. We have had freedoms taken from us, and rights that have been stolen, and laws imposed upon us, all in the name of safety. After the morning of 9/11, America got scared. And that was the terrorists greatest victory.

*Officially. Unofficial counts reach over 100,000

Saturday, September 10, 2011

The Smallest Things Bring The Biggest Down

My head feels unusually thick.
Like brains are replaced by a brick.
My muscles all ache.
I'm barely awake.
Crap, how I hate being sick.

Kids brought a bug home from school. At least I have football.

Friday, September 9, 2011

See Dick. See Dick Get Bought Out.

What comprises Dick Perry's soul?
A darkness, worse than a black hole.
When requiring
the vaccinating
It seems that he was on Merck's dole.

Oh, Dick. We knew he was a lying, hateful, hypocriticalmurderous, AGW denying, creationist jackass, who would do anything for a vote. But now it appears that his campaign took money from the company that created the Gardasil vaccine. The same vaccine that, through an executive order, he required all girls 12 and older to receive. On top of that, his chief of staff left to become Merck's main lobbyist to the governor.

This isn't just fishy. This is cronyism, bribery, and completely antithetical to democracy.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Love Or Hate: Which Does Your Deity Prefer?

More on the culture debate:
It seems that I make them irate.
While their god above
goes on about love
Christianists focus on hate.

A poll that is not surprising
tells us who god is despising.
Just read your bible
you might be able
to see your beliefs demising.

Jon Rosenberg, of Scenes From A Multiverse fame, reminds us exactly who the most hated group in America is.

PDF of the study

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Perry Fiddled, Now Texas Burns

The only thing growing in drought?
Wildfires burning about.
Send prayers to the sky?
Texas stays bone dry.
With Jesus he has little clout.

Trying to water with prayer, he
might as well wish on a fairy.
But he never learns
as his home state burns:
Brought to you by Dick Prayer-ee.

In April, Dick Perry prayed that the drought in Texas would end. In May, Texas had plans to cut the state budget by $34 million, including the budget of the Texas Forest Service, the agency that is currently battling the wildfires plaguing the state. That budget went into effect September 1st, as fires raged out of control. Almost immediately after proposing that budget, Dick Perry begged the federal government for $52.5 million dollars to cover the cost of fighting the fires. I guess government expenditure is bad, except when it can help him.

They did, however, add a $40 million "rainy day fund", that they can use to pay one time costs. That will not help them in the future, though. Awesome planning from someone who thinks he should lead the whole country.

Great job, Dick.

Hubble Captures Birth Of A Star

Stuck in a midweek malaise?
You might be wasting your days.
Captured from afar:
The birth of a star!
Hubble can really amaze!

Source: NASA

What you are seeing here is a 13 year time lapse animation of outgassing caused by the formation of a star, as captured by Hubble. The scale in the bottom right denotes distance in astronomical units, the mean distance between the Sun and Earth. For a sense of scale, the orbit of Neptune is 30AU.

This is an image of a proto-star near the Orion Nebula. What we see is gas, moving at over 700,000 kph, running into slower moving materiel.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Possibilities, Possibilians

Existing with fragility,
and reasoning ability.
This life's all we got.
Yep, just this one shot.
God? No possibility.

I have adaptability,
and mental flexibility
On a bible I'd swear
there is no god there.
That's said without hostility.

We have mental fertility
and thinking capability.
Kick religion out
and say without doubt:
God? No possibility!

Possibilianism has to be one of the most stupid things this side of creationism. Can we ever be sure of anything?  No, of course not. Does that mean that it is possible that there might be a deity as described by any one of the hundreds, perhaps thousands of religions that have existed since humans began thinking about things bigger than the next meal? Absolutely not.

There is no god. No God, Allah, Odin, Jupiter, or any of the other numerous deities humans have created. I do not reject the FACT that there are things we do not yet know about our universe, but I reject every single supernatural creation devised to explain things we do not yet understand.

Salvation: In Tents!

Though kids should always be scamps
and their minds we should not clamp
she makes them unhinged
while real thinkers cringe
as brainwashing goes on at camp.

The Friendly Atheist points to a book by child-abuser* Becky Fischer, a fundie-gelical preacher best known from Jesus Camp.

* All allegations of child abuse have not been verified by an official organization.

Being In Labor

Though Jesus said "Love thy neighbor"
Tea Partyers rattle their sabers.
After Hoffa's crack
they're on the attack
Spreading their lies 'bout "Big Labor"

Fox News has produced a video in which Jimmy Hoffa, Jr says that we have to "take those sons of bitches out".  In the context of the video, it is clear that he is referring to the elections next year. The Tea Party leadership are calling Hoffa's remarks “dangerous and irresponsible”. Because they know exactly what dangerous and irresponsible speech sounds like.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Divine Paychecks

Another dumb thing I have seen
pushed by idiots like Joel Osteen
Is how God will reward
(after death, of course)
those who give financial seeds.

Here's the best part of their pitch
(the thing that makes my eyes twitch):
The good book says, sure
Christ helped the poor
now it's clear God loves the rich.

Prosperity Theology is relatively new, as a part of Christianity. It basically states that the rich get all of their money because of God, and God wants everyone to be rich. The "financial seed" idea is particularly insidious. Using verses such as 2 Corinthians 9:6 :

But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; 
and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully.

The con artists get people to send them money in hopes of future rewards. And if those rewards are not forthcoming in this life? Well, God will reward them after they die, of course!