Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Master Debaters, Denouement

When you shoot your mouth from the hip
like a cowboy wearing wing-tips
you perhaps should have thought
foreign policy's not
just like a game of Battleship.

Last night was the third and, thankfully, final presidential debate. Mitt Romney looked less like a serious candidate and more like a beauty pageant contestant who couldn't think of a suitable answer to the final question.

There were a couple of really great points made by the president, as he slapped Romney around like a petulant kindergartner who pretends to know everything.

MR. ROMNEY: Our Navy is older — excuse me — our Navy is smaller now than any time since 1917.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: I think Governor Romney maybe hasn't spent enough time looking at how our military works. You — you mentioned the Navy, for example, and that we have fewer ships than we did in 1916. Well, Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets because the nature of our military's changed. We have these things called aircraft carriers where planes land on them. We have these ships that go underwater, nuclear submarines.

And so the question is not a game of Battleship where we're counting ships. It's — it's what are our capabilities. 

While that was the big "Oh, Snap" moment in the debate, the biggest WTF moment was, hands down, Romney's comments on Iran and Syria.

MR. ROMNEY: Syria is Iran's only ally in the Arab world. It's their route to the sea.

Any Fourth Grade geography student can look at a globe and point out the idiocy of that statement. Iran is separated by Iraq and Turkey. Iran also has more than 1,500 miles of coastline, connecting to the Persian Gulf and Gulf of Oman, as well as Caspian Sea.

I wish I could take credit for the "cowboy wearing wingtips" line, but I stole it from one of Obama's advisers.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Master Debaters, Redux

The argument's so very flawed.
It shows that the whole thing's a fraud.
Unless you are dense
it doesn't make sense
that we are all children of God.

Last night, in the second presidential debate, Mitt Romney said that we are all children of God. That's not just a metaphor for him. Mormons believe that god is a real person living on a planet called Kolob. God has many wives who bear him spirit children. These spirit children come to Earth as humans. So, according to the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we are literally God's children. All of us are half-siblings, all with the same father.

The only logical conclusion to draw from this particular belief of Mormonism is the fact that each couple sealed inside a temple is married to their sibling, and each Mormon child is a consequence of incest.


Saturday, October 6, 2012


Sometimes it is easy to tell
who is or not mentally well.
Just ask them and see
if it's just a theory
or lies straight from the pit of hell.


Paul Broun is a U.S. Congressman from Georgia. He is an M.D., and considers himself a scientist. He is also the chair of the House Science Committee. He is also an idiot.

During a speech delivered at Liberty Baptist Church in Hartwell, Georgia, he said a most astoundingly stupid thing:

"God's word is true. I've come to understand that. All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and the big bang theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of Hell"

This man is on the SCIENCE COMMITTEE! This person is in charge of legislation that helps determine the direction of science research in this country, and says such an abysmally ignorant thing, something which should disqualify him from that position.

He'll keep getting reelected, though. Republicans think education is a bad idea.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Play Time

Don't stay at home being lame.
Day in and out it's the same.
Do something today:
Come out and play!
Join H C C O for a game.

Tonight is HCCO's Family Game Night! All of the coolest people will be there. Not going? Then you're not one of the cool people.

Also, I'm bringing cookies.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Master Debater

Neither side seemed to be great.
It wasn't at all worth the wait.
So fill up your cup
and get liquor'd up
for the first presidential debate.

Last night featured what seemed to be an odd debate. On style, the winner is clearly Romney, because he made sure he got the last word at every opportunity and all but called the President a liar, which his base will eat up.  Obama seemed to want to be somewhere else, doing something else. I can understand that, seeing as how it was his 20th wedding anniversary, but it doesn't forgive his sub-par performance.

On substance, the winner was Obama. Romney still refuses to name any specifics to any plan of his, except that he would cut all funding to PBS. Romney also spent a considerable amount of time denying the policies that he has been espousing almost since 2007, when he first began running for president.

The loser was clearly Jim Lehrer. The rejected officials from the Lingerie Football League would have had more control over this debate than Lehrer had. He refused to keep either man on question and let Romney walk all over him. A sad performance from a respected journalist.

What the Lingerie Football League might look like. For reference.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

What Is Love?

This question might sound cynical,
or maybe too analytical.
I just want to know,
can somebody show:
Which type of family is biblical?

The president of Chik-Fil-A has come out swinging for the derp again, saying that the restaurant chain supports "biblical families"

Of course, marriage in the bible is a very nebulous concept, and the "values" for the family can be disturbing.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Cheat 'Em

It happens so often, it's rote.
The right disenfranchises votes.
But they look like clowns:
Each law gets struck down.
Permit me to take time to gloat.

Throughout the country, Republican legislatures and governors have enacted laws that stifle voters. Under the guise of stopping voter fraud, these laws have the effect of preventing possibly thousands of legal voters from exercising their right and responsibility as a citizen, namely electing those people into office.

Luckily, we have the Constitution, as well as judges who support it. In Pennsylvania, the restrictive voter  ID law has been blocked from implementation, meaning it will not be in effect on Election Day. This follows a pattern emerging across the country.

Why did these laws become so popular recently? Republicans claim it is to suppress voter fraud. That claim is put to the lie, however, when you look at the actual numbers. Since 2000, only 13 people have been convicted of actual voter fraud. Out of the millions upon millions of votes cast, there have only been 13. Why then, all of a sudden, is this such a disastrous problem for our democracy and a dire threat to our freedoms?

In 2011, ALEC, a very far right "think tank", introduced draft legislation that has since been used in multiple states This group, almost single handedly, has tried to disenfranchise potentially millions of their fellow citizens. Any reasons as to why would be purely speculative, but most of the people who would lose the right to vote would most likely vote for a party other than the one they represent.

Voter registration fraud is a much more prevalent issue, and it is one which the Republicans have not at all been trying to stop. In 2008, the right accused ACORN of voter fraud. Some of the people who were paid by ACORN had submitted voter registrations which were fake, and were flagged by the organization as such before they were turned into state offices. The right pounced on this, saying that ACORN was purposefully attempting to falsify voting records in order to help Obama win the presidency.

That same issue has recently come back to bite the Republicans on the ass, as the Republican National Committee has paid millions of dollars to a company that has done precisely the thing of which ACORN was blamed, but neglected to inform the officials that their workers might have added some not quite real names.

Schadenfreude can be a wonderful thing.

Monday, October 1, 2012

A Positive Step

What to do if your kid is gay?
Accept them, or love them? No way!
For now, in the west
the children are blessed:
You can't make the gay go away.

In an amazing development, the State of California has become the first in the nation to ban "conversion therapy" for homosexual minors. This means that all of the "pray the gay away" groups will not be allowed to abuse children by making them feel that who they love is wrong, forcing them to change who they are.

Some parents will, no doubt, still berate and belittle their children, abusing them psychologically or even disowning them, sending children out into the streets. But at least the so-called "professionals" will not be allowed to inflict their hatred onto children.