Tuesday, May 29, 2012


To fill all your prophecy needs,
make sure you get good chicken feed.
Because the devout
put back what comes out.
Just ask the Prophet Hen of Leeds.

Yes, this was a real thing. The moral I get from this tale? Don't shove anything back in a hole it came out of.

If either of my readers can find a natural rhyme for 'cloaca' please let me know.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Evolving Beliefs

Leakey has made up his mind:
Soon even 'skeptics' will find
that we finally solved
the facts we evolved
I think we'll still find them blind.

Paleoanthropologist Richard Leakey has said he expects evolution "skeptics" will admit, in the next 15 to 30 years, the the evidence is too overwhelming to ignore.

While I admire his optimism, I think he has neglected to take into his calculations the ignorance of the truly religious.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Dweam Wifin A Dweam

Think your marriage was a blunder?
Will it last? We don't have to wonder.
Dear Leader says he
thinks gays should marry
and now your vows will come asunder.

President Obama has come out to say the he thinks gays should be allowed to marry, using the same terms and getting all of the same rights and benefits of opposite-sex marriages. He has said before that he felt that same-sex couples could use the term 'civil unions', which I always felt had a 'separate but equal' kind of vibe.

I know that this pronouncement would not have affected the vote in North Carolina that enshrined hatred and bigotry into the state constitution. Again. I am happy that he has finally taken a stand to be on the right side of history.

Monday, May 7, 2012

On The Covering Of Legs

When I become king we'll all dance.
We'll celebrate with beer implants.
I'd hear all the pleas
then make a decree.
My first act: Ban all of the pants.

Pants are, inherently, a great wrong. They are an evil that truly great civilizations must eschew. There are many other options to replace pants that do not include seeing "your bits and bobs blowing in the wind, making noise, and reminding me of floppy wind chimes.*"

Shorts, kilts, togas and pajama bottoms are all classier, more comfortable options.

And pajama bottoms are NOT pants. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a lying liar, and anything they say can (and should) be dismissed.

*Thanks to Julia McCain for the quote.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Nip It In The Bud

If you think you might have a hunch
that your son might like boys a bunch.
He's got a limp wrist?
Then ball up your fist
and give that li'l guy a good punch.

Sean Harris, a pastor in North Carolina,went off on an interesting screed this past Sunday, extolling the virtues of child abuse as a means of gender identification.

"Can I make it any clearer? Dads, the second 
you see your son dropping the limp wrist, 
you walk over there and crack that wrist. 
Man up. Give him a good punch"

He has released a statement declaring his advocating of the punching of children to be a joke, taken out of context by the LGBT community.

Because jokes about beating children are the funniest.

Sean Harris, parent of the year candidate.