Sunday, November 27, 2011

Being Mental And Healthy

Some problems are those you can't see
and you wish that you could just flee.
You fight with the fact
your brain fights you back
and wonder if you'll ever be free.

I have, for a while now, been fighting depression. It is a vicious circle. Chronic pain can cause depression, and depression can cause or exacerbate chronic pain. My foot has been hurting me for years now, to the point that, at times, walking is a challenge. The pain has caused me some occasional "downs", but it finally caught up with me over the summer. As I described it to my doctor, when I finally was able to afford to see one (financial difficulties is another reason for my depression), I was worried but not yet scared. I could, in my mind, feel what each of the knives in our house would feel like as it ripped through my arm (down the road, not across the street). But I have never held a knife to myself in order to cause damage. It was all in my head.

Your head can do funny things to you. We are not in the best position, financially, but I have a wife whom I love, and who loves me very much. I have two children who give me endless joy. That doesn't matter when you have a mental health issue.

As I said, I was finally able to talk to someone about my problems. My doctor prescribed 20mg Citalopram nearly 2 months ago. It has taken a while, but I feel that the medication might finally be working and I might have finally turned a corner. Of course it is still early in my treatment and I have a long road ahead of me, but, for the first time in a while, I feel that I might come out the other side of this alright.

Limericks should be returning on a regular schedule shortly.

Thanks to JT Eberhard. His Skepticon IV talk is something everyone should see.


  1. Glad to hear the medicine is kicking in. I heard an analogy recently that chronic pain can work away at you like slow Chinese water torture. I think that's a good analogy. It's a good first step that you sought out professional advice.

  2. John, the toughest part was actually admitting I needed help. Even though I got started, it's not been easy. Having my best friend near me all the time helps, too.