When I become king we'll all dance.
We'll celebrate with beer implants.
I'd hear all the pleas
then make a decree.
My first act: Ban all of the pants.
Pants are, inherently, a great wrong. They are an evil that truly great civilizations must eschew. There are many other options to replace pants that do not include seeing "your bits and bobs blowing in the wind, making noise, and reminding me of floppy wind chimes.*"
Shorts, kilts, togas and pajama bottoms are all classier, more comfortable options.
And pajama bottoms are NOT pants. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a lying liar, and anything they say can (and should) be dismissed.
*Thanks to Julia McCain for the quote.