Freshwater's on Trial

Someone on Dispatches defended John Freshwater's burning of students.

Freshwater's really an ass,
who has balls made out of brass.
He thinks the kids learn
more when they burn.
We'll soon see that he's got no class.

Don't Vote on Election Day!

I want to make a challenge to those fundagelicals who believe so fervently that their jeebus will carry McCain into the presidency:

Don't vote.

Seriously, don't vote. Gawsh will make those eeevil Dems lose, as long as you have faith enough. By voting, you are showing gawd that you do not, in fact, have faith in him, and that will make baby jeebus cry.

So, just stay at church on November 4th, and leave it in the hand of your particular magic sky zombie.

Wrong Way McCain

Female Genital Mutilation

CNN is reporting that Attorney General Michale Mukasey has refused to allow the deportation of a 28 year old woman who had her genitalia removed by her tribe in Mali.

At long, long last, a member of the Bush administration has been hit in the head by the clue-by-four, and has become infected by common sense.

My question, though, is how can you be so vehemently against FGM, but look the other way when thousands of little boys have their genitals mutilated everyday?

It's A Boy!

Duncan Matthew Stage, born September 2, 2008.

Cracker Attackers!

There's been a big kerfluffle over a cracker. For references, check most any science blog in the past month or so.

Donahue and Catholic attackers
have clearly gone totally crackers!
The taste can't be beat
when god's what you eat.
Try the new Messiah Snackers™!*

The comedy's really first class,
but I almost gave this a pass.
Then I thought "would a priest
say the god that you eat
is still god when he comes out your ass?"

*For when Scooby Snacks™ aren't holy enough. Messiah Snacks™! Now with less flavor!

Letter to the editor

A letter I wrote to the editors of The Columbus Dispatch

Editors,

Amidst all of the letters concerning the editorial written about John Freshwater, some seem to have missed the point completely. Yes, it was wrong of him to proselytize in the classroom, especially a science class that students are mandated to attend. Not one non-theist that I know would advocate leaving religion out of school, but it should be taught in an elective course, such as comparative mythology. They can spend a day on each of the creation myths from around the world, and hope that they can cover them all in one school year.

The biggest problem here is the branding. I can’t fathom the mindset of a person who would do such a thing. This is a person who took the teachings of his supposedly loving god, and twisted them to the point where it was okay, in his mind, to harm a child who believed in something different than him. That is not a free speech issue, it is a n issue of child abuse.I am left to wonder why he is not in prison, and the school board brought up on child endangerment charges for having let this go on for so long.

Richard Stage

Ken Ham is an Idiot!

Apparently, Ken Ham doesn't like being insulted. Well, Ken, don't be such a fucking idiot, and you won't get insulted nearly as often.

Ken Ham is an obnoxious twit
who's brain don't work even a bit.
My hypothesis is
that religion has
replaced all of his gray matter with shit.

I could say that you can see how he's
proof that we're descended from monkeys,
but that's not how it works
and that mind-addled jerk
is too stupid to come down from the trees.

If there is a god who controls weather,
and knows every bird and their feathers,
you'd think there had been
a better use for Ken's skin
than to hold his sorry ass together.

Skepical limericks? What a neat idea!

The Skeptic's Circle is hosting a limerick edition on Action Skeptics. Why didn't I think of that?

Since when have limericks been news
for espousing skeptical views?
For quite a while
(with a complete lack of style)
I've had rhyming and idiocy suffused.

Perhaps I don't write enough
on current events, and stuff.
It has been some time
since I've posted a rhyme
about the credulous fluff.

Check it out and see what you think.
What? I swear it's a harmless link!
Limericks are still dandy
even when they aren't randy,
and Action Skeptics' are like a cool drink.

Expelled!

From Pharyngula

The creobots hope that Expelled
will not be viciously derailed.
They hope you won't see
the truth of the movie:
in the marketplace of ideas they have failed.

But one truth I hope lingers on:
After all is at last said and done
because of this flick
and the creationists schtick
Ben Stein's credibility is gone.

I can't help but to be amused
at how often these morons confuse
scientists questioning "why"
and a zombie Jew in the sky.
Their IDiocy leaves me bemused.

Perhaps if they pray hard enough
(Hey! It could work! Don't you laugh!)
Their magic Dad in the air
will come down from his lair
and heroically save this dumb stuff.

But I won't try holding my breath.
It'd make more sense freebasing meth.
I wonder if I
make them laugh or cry
as I am mocking their cult of death.

Why I like hockey.

Go to 4:06 in this video, to see one of the best hockey moves ever.

Our next president?

Though he's a mean, ornery cuss
and people would make a big fuss,
he'd still be the one
I'd vote for (if he'd run).
Dick Cheney! (Before he dicks us.)

Healthy hearts

From here

I wear my heart on my sleeve.
It's harder than you would believe!
But if it gets lost,
no matter the cost,
a new one I might soon receive.

As I watch it pulsing on the table,
I think someday they will be able
to take apart
and repair my heart
when my lifestyle has made it unstable.

Creationist mis-represents Darwin? Never!

Another from Pharyngula. I REALLY need a life.

These morons need taken to task,
and their stupidity needs unmasked.
If only they'd look
at what's inside the book.
But that might be too much to ask.

Race is a tough card to play.
One wrong move and you're out of the game.
But what Darwin meant
they will mis-represent
as they keep intelligence at bay.

If we all share the same earth and sky,
then why's hatred in oversupply?
Race, religion or creed
the last thing we need
is to hear all these Jesus freaks lie.

Don't just take this on my advice.
Think of how it could be paradise:
if we all give and get
just a little respect,
the best part - it's at such a low price.

Hoagland gets limericked

On the BA Blog

It seems Hoagland is at it again.
His stupidity hurts me, but then
when Phil's on the case
he'll have mud on his face
and slink silently back to his den.

I thought Miller was smarter than this.
I guess ratings are too good to miss.
It's easily solved
when money's involved.
So I guess all this crap will persist.

I hope you're not angry with me.
I've been a fan for a year (or three).
I hope that you're fine
that I dropped you a line
(and make sure you're not jealous of PZ).

Xian acting...blech

From Dispatches

Some Christians have made a new show
where the Atheists are really quite slow.
With men made of straw
the floor hurt my jaw
as their stupidity hit a new low.

I'm okay with satirical fun.
It can be funny if it's well done.
But when it's this bad
I wish that I had
an anti-stupidity gun.

Maybe when the next episode airs
they'll fix the scientific errors.
But, then, it seems
that would just leave
the credits, as if anyone cares.

More Florida stupidity

Another from PZ
The St. Pete's mayoral election
just got a pure stupid injection.
I might like to run
for that city in the sun,
but I'm allergic to genuflectin'

These local races, it seems,
can only be won from your knees.
With God on your side,
all you must hide
are your anti-constitutional schemes.

I hope that when this race is done
the person that they say has won
isn't this tool
or a similar fool
or any creationist spawn.

Imus Idiocy limerick

Posted here first.

From the Imuses once more we learn
that real science we all can spurn.
Your parenting lacks
if you're not anti-vax.
The stupid! Oh God! How it burns!

As the evidence continues to grow
and studies continue to show
that autism is not
caused by a shot,
more than all doctors they both seem to know.

Thanks, Orac, for fighting the fight.
Idiocy must be shown the light.
With people like you,
PZ and ERV too,
perhaps we can stem this blight.

Athiest birdies!

From this thread.

My 'tiels* have some thoughts on all this
They say, "Wait, God doesn't exist?"
And then they both say
(while the cat is away)
"Feed me or we'll bite off your wrist."

I wonder if they'd feel the same
(or would I just be changing the game)
Would they call me a sinner,
if, when the cat needed dinner
I'd forgotten to secure their cage?

God's where you want him to be.
In a book, in the air, on TV.
One thing I don't get:
Am I God to my pets?
I hope not; that thought terrifies me.


*Cockatiels, for all you non-avian types.

Vampira has passed

From here

Here we had Fritz the Nite Owl
late at night in Columbus town
On weekends at night
with humor and fright
we rarely went to bed with a frown.

Recently we watched Plan 9.
It was so bad, it's divine!
But Vampirella* has passed.
I hope she and her cast
are in that great Horror Show in the Sky.

*I know that it's Vampira, but I'm not going to change the original limericks.

PZ's contest limerick

From here, trying to win this book. I'm still not sure why I might want it.

I'm not sure that I want this book,
though it might be fun to have a look.
It would be helpful to me
as I get my Ph.D.
on how life evolved from a fish hook.

And then here, after I (thankfully) didn't win.

I was about to post in this thread.
Damn! Cuttlefish got here ahead!
Now see, here's the thing,
Cuttlefish is the king.
I might visit the birdie instead.

Scott Hatfield will, I am sure
(if his arms from the strain can endure)
use this book and its weight
for an appropriate fate
and thump the thumpers with their own words.

Cephalopod limerick fun!

From this thread.

Louis has made a new friend!
Perhaps this could be a new trend.
but once it's begun
it won't stop the fun
for reasons we can't comprehend.

For all of this octopus' charm,
I've heard that he will cause you harm.
I know that they're right,
I found out last night,
and I type limericks with only one arm.

You ask why he won't let it be,
why he reacts so violently?
The answer's the grin
on that plasticine chin
that screams so loud so silently.

Creation "science" "education" limerick

From here.

It seems that in Texas, Duane Gish
might actually get his wish!
A "science" degree,
so that all will now see
that man came from no stinkin' fish!

Now, hold on! What's this that I see?
His "science" is just mockery?
I have to think for a bit,
and recover my wit,
and I'll finish this up in verse three.

The ICR shouts "How do you know
that what the Bible says just isn't so?"
Snug, deep in their lair,
they scream "WERE YOU THERE?"
Asked for science? They skulk back below.

I (club) Huckabee limerick

Posted originally here

One thing that I'd like to see
is someone who's a fan of PZ
to see just how far
they'd get, if on their car
was a sign that says I (club) Huckabee.

While watching the Iowa caucus,
my most overwhelming thought was:
Are these people insane?
Were they stabbed in the brain?
Or are the Republicans just there to mock us?

It seemed that it was just a phase,
for in New Hampshire we woke from a daze
And then I heard
Huckabee was in third.
All I could do was just sit there, amazed.

I hope after Michigan we find
that our country has not lost it's mind.
For the last thing we need,
after incompetence and greed,
are evangelicals coming from behind.

Floridian IDiocy limerick

From here

The IDist in Florida are back
to mount a creationist attack
let's hope that we find
someone of sound mind
to pick up the rational slack

Armageddon will surely come soon.
Like Damocles' sword it looms.
Threatening to fall,
and destroying us all
if you listen to evangelistic loons.

Some day, one would hope, they will act
as if they've read just one single fact.
But I won't hold my breath,
for it would be a quick death,
because this IDiocy keeps coming back.

Ron Paul Limerick

From this thread.

You're right. I think Ron Paul is bad.
He'd be the worst president we've ever had.
His racism sucks,
but he brings in the bucks
even though he's an insufferable cad.

But people are easily swayed.
They buy the foundation he's laid.
They'd get along with you,
only until they knew
You were an atheist, Jew, or gay.

It's good to see this out in the press.
Maybe we can avoid a big mess.
It'd be refreshing to see
someone run rationally
but the chances are slim, I confess.