Loch and Load

It's great to say that you're teachin'.
Make sure you aren't overreachin'.
'Cause if your lesson's
the 'truth' of Nessie
then those aren't facts: You're just preachin'.

The next step in fundamentalist idiocy is more stupid than I expected. A company called Accelerated Christian Education has reached the bottom of an already disturbingly deep barrel. Their argument, basically, is that the Loch Ness monster actually exists, so it must have swum there after Noah's flood, therefore evolution didn't happen.

They also teach that "apartheid was beneficial to South Africa; reasons include the claim that segregated schools “made it possible for each group to maintain and pass on their culture and heritage to their children”.

A charter school in Louisiana will receive government funding, in the form of vouchers, to teach these things to children.

Everything You Know Is Wrong

The war on knowledge has begun.
What we thought we knew now's undone.
I believed a bit,
then realized it's shit
because real science has been shunned.

Attention Time Cube guy: A new challenger has arrived!

The Quest for Right is a series of seven textbooks that purports to

"represent the ultimate marriage between 

in-depth knowledge of biblical phenomena and 

natural and physical sciences"

A glimpse at parts of Volume 1 shows the level of sheer idiocy to which the author has sunk. It truly is an escape from reality, and a triumphant refutation of everything science has learned over the years.

Evidence Is Lies

Idiocy seems to be winning.
The creationists are grinning.
Science is losing.
Let's all keep boozing:
There's new polls about beginnings.


According to a Gallup poll released June 1st, 46% of Americans believe that we were created exactly as we are.

It makes Leakey's prognostication seem a little sillier.

Scopes, Mark 2

Tennessee, known for its hooch,
has given the fundies a smooch.
They've shown that they see
facts are secondary.
Creation will be taught as truth.

The Scopes Monkey Trial was one of the most famous court trials in the history of the USA. In 1925, John Scopes was, ultimately, found guilty of teaching evolution in the classroom in violation of the law.

Here we are in 2012, banging our heads against the same wall. Science has proved, irrefutably, that evolution has occurred. Any other argument is a lie. Any person who says that there is a controversy in the science is a liar. Tennessee has allowed a bill to be passed into law that indulges the liars to let anti-science rhetoric into the classrooms in the state.

I am disappointed in the governor for not vetoing the bill. As a cynic, however, I am not surprised.

He Knows The Birds In The Fields?

They say a new specie was found
and the meaning of it is profound.
Darwin's theory still weighs
so strong to this day.
Evolution, you see, still abounds.

Scientists have discovered genetic evidence that a new species of sparrow has evolved recently. This really does put the lie to creationism, or the "Intelligent Design" idiocy. Of course, the next lie from that camp will be to say that god or whatever intelligence is in charge put it there, but having genetic evidence kinda nips that in the bud.

A Visit From PZ

There was a Professor from Morris
who gathered the cast and the chorus.
And we all headed down
to visit the clowns
and the bibleists that all abhor us.

As day broke, sunny and grand,
the heathens from all o'er the land
north, east, west and south
all by different routes,
for reason we'd take a firm stand.

To Kentucky we all did flock.
Racing so we'd beat the clock
so if we were inclined
we might head up the line
so we could be the first to mock.

With ticket and button in hand
we followed through with our plan:
for ourselves to see
the insanity
of Ken Ham's folly first hand.

As soon as we walked in the door:
Behold! A large pterasaur!
Graceful and free -
or not. It could be
it evolved to stay off the floor.

The next thing we saw was bizarre -
a grazing and growling brontosaur!
Then we saw what they did
with the raptors and kids.
The Flintstones can't be too far!

The Grand Canyon was, so they say,
carved by the flood in mere days.
If you ignored all the facts,
or hit your head with an axe
or replaced your brain with mayonnaise.

They said if we came we'd believe,
but not after Adam and Eve!
We laughed, not from spite -
we could tell from first sight
that this place was built to deceive

Next was Noah and his Ark.
The departure from fact was stark!
While the rain quickly poured
God put the dinos on board
but didn't have room for the shark.

Heaven forbid if you doubt them
cause no one's more honest than Ken Ham!
He said “You can trust us!”
“We're just lying for jebus!”
and the creo-zombies echo “Amen!”

If there was one part of that twaddle
that kept me from coming unraveled
was the sight of PZ
gloriously
on the dino that was wearing a saddle.

While there we laughed and we learned.
We left wondering how facts could be spurned.
The day went as we thought.
The science was naught.
So we vowed we would never return.

Here is the moral of my tale:
stay away from this shrine to fail!
But if visit you must,
to hide your disgust
go filled up with whiskey and ale.

Edited to fix the spacing.

Letter to the editor

A letter I wrote to the editors of The Columbus Dispatch

Editors,

Amidst all of the letters concerning the editorial written about John Freshwater, some seem to have missed the point completely. Yes, it was wrong of him to proselytize in the classroom, especially a science class that students are mandated to attend. Not one non-theist that I know would advocate leaving religion out of school, but it should be taught in an elective course, such as comparative mythology. They can spend a day on each of the creation myths from around the world, and hope that they can cover them all in one school year.

The biggest problem here is the branding. I can’t fathom the mindset of a person who would do such a thing. This is a person who took the teachings of his supposedly loving god, and twisted them to the point where it was okay, in his mind, to harm a child who believed in something different than him. That is not a free speech issue, it is a n issue of child abuse.I am left to wonder why he is not in prison, and the school board brought up on child endangerment charges for having let this go on for so long.

Richard Stage

Ken Ham is an Idiot!

Apparently, Ken Ham doesn't like being insulted. Well, Ken, don't be such a fucking idiot, and you won't get insulted nearly as often.

Ken Ham is an obnoxious twit
who's brain don't work even a bit.
My hypothesis is
that religion has
replaced all of his gray matter with shit.

I could say that you can see how he's
proof that we're descended from monkeys,
but that's not how it works
and that mind-addled jerk
is too stupid to come down from the trees.

If there is a god who controls weather,
and knows every bird and their feathers,
you'd think there had been
a better use for Ken's skin
than to hold his sorry ass together.

Expelled!

From Pharyngula

The creobots hope that Expelled
will not be viciously derailed.
They hope you won't see
the truth of the movie:
in the marketplace of ideas they have failed.

But one truth I hope lingers on:
After all is at last said and done
because of this flick
and the creationists schtick
Ben Stein's credibility is gone.

I can't help but to be amused
at how often these morons confuse
scientists questioning "why"
and a zombie Jew in the sky.
Their IDiocy leaves me bemused.

Perhaps if they pray hard enough
(Hey! It could work! Don't you laugh!)
Their magic Dad in the air
will come down from his lair
and heroically save this dumb stuff.

But I won't try holding my breath.
It'd make more sense freebasing meth.
I wonder if I
make them laugh or cry
as I am mocking their cult of death.

Creationist mis-represents Darwin? Never!

Another from Pharyngula. I REALLY need a life.

These morons need taken to task,
and their stupidity needs unmasked.
If only they'd look
at what's inside the book.
But that might be too much to ask.

Race is a tough card to play.
One wrong move and you're out of the game.
But what Darwin meant
they will mis-represent
as they keep intelligence at bay.

If we all share the same earth and sky,
then why's hatred in oversupply?
Race, religion or creed
the last thing we need
is to hear all these Jesus freaks lie.

Don't just take this on my advice.
Think of how it could be paradise:
if we all give and get
just a little respect,
the best part - it's at such a low price.

PZ's contest limerick

From here, trying to win this book. I'm still not sure why I might want it.

I'm not sure that I want this book,
though it might be fun to have a look.
It would be helpful to me
as I get my Ph.D.
on how life evolved from a fish hook.

And then here, after I (thankfully) didn't win.

I was about to post in this thread.
Damn! Cuttlefish got here ahead!
Now see, here's the thing,
Cuttlefish is the king.
I might visit the birdie instead.

Scott Hatfield will, I am sure
(if his arms from the strain can endure)
use this book and its weight
for an appropriate fate
and thump the thumpers with their own words.

Creation "science" "education" limerick

From here.

It seems that in Texas, Duane Gish
might actually get his wish!
A "science" degree,
so that all will now see
that man came from no stinkin' fish!

Now, hold on! What's this that I see?
His "science" is just mockery?
I have to think for a bit,
and recover my wit,
and I'll finish this up in verse three.

The ICR shouts "How do you know
that what the Bible says just isn't so?"
Snug, deep in their lair,
they scream "WERE YOU THERE?"
Asked for science? They skulk back below.

Floridian IDiocy limerick

From here

The IDist in Florida are back
to mount a creationist attack
let's hope that we find
someone of sound mind
to pick up the rational slack

Armageddon will surely come soon.
Like Damocles' sword it looms.
Threatening to fall,
and destroying us all
if you listen to evangelistic loons.

Some day, one would hope, they will act
as if they've read just one single fact.
But I won't hold my breath,
for it would be a quick death,
because this IDiocy keeps coming back.