Master Debaters, Denouement

When you shoot your mouth from the hip
like a cowboy wearing wing-tips
you perhaps should have thought
foreign policy's not
just like a game of Battleship.

Last night was the third and, thankfully, final presidential debate. Mitt Romney looked less like a serious candidate and more like a beauty pageant contestant who couldn't think of a suitable answer to the final question.

There were a couple of really great points made by the president, as he slapped Romney around like a petulant kindergartner who pretends to know everything.

MR. ROMNEY: Our Navy is older — excuse me — our Navy is smaller now than any time since 1917.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: I think Governor Romney maybe hasn't spent enough time looking at how our military works. You — you mentioned the Navy, for example, and that we have fewer ships than we did in 1916. Well, Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets because the nature of our military's changed. We have these things called aircraft carriers where planes land on them. We have these ships that go underwater, nuclear submarines.

And so the question is not a game of Battleship where we're counting ships. It's — it's what are our capabilities. 

While that was the big "Oh, Snap" moment in the debate, the biggest WTF moment was, hands down, Romney's comments on Iran and Syria.

MR. ROMNEY: Syria is Iran's only ally in the Arab world. It's their route to the sea.

Any Fourth Grade geography student can look at a globe and point out the idiocy of that statement. Iran is separated by Iraq and Turkey. Iran also has more than 1,500 miles of coastline, connecting to the Persian Gulf and Gulf of Oman, as well as Caspian Sea.

I wish I could take credit for the "cowboy wearing wingtips" line, but I stole it from one of Obama's advisers.

Master Debaters, Redux

The argument's so very flawed.
It shows that the whole thing's a fraud.
Unless you are dense
it doesn't make sense
that we are all children of God.

Last night, in the second presidential debate, Mitt Romney said that we are all children of God. That's not just a metaphor for him. Mormons believe that god is a real person living on a planet called Kolob. God has many wives who bear him spirit children. These spirit children come to Earth as humans. So, according to the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we are literally God's children. All of us are half-siblings, all with the same father.

The only logical conclusion to draw from this particular belief of Mormonism is the fact that each couple sealed inside a temple is married to their sibling, and each Mormon child is a consequence of incest.

Ick.