Not So Fresh

This is the story 'bout how
'Zona got flipped upside down.
They started a fight
to erase the rights
of students by forcing a vow.

Republicans in Arizona have submitted a bill that would make the following vow necessary for completion of High School in the state.

I, _________, DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR THAT I WILL SUPPORT AND DEFEND THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES AGAINST ALL ENEMIES, FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC, THAT I WILL BEAR TRUE FAITH AND ALLEGIANCE TO THE SAME; THAT I TAKE THIS OBLIGATION FREELY, WITHOUT ANY MENTAL RESERVATION OR PURPOSE OF EVASION; AND THAT I WILL WELL AND FAITHFULLY DISCHARGE THESE DUTIES; SO HELP ME GOD.

There's no chance, of course, that this would pass any sort of constitutional muster. that doesn't matter to these people. They are more than willing to either make people lie or withhold their diplomas in order to force their theocratic idiocy onto the population.

I took an oath similar to this when I joined the military. I can understand that type of oath or affirmation when you are signing up to possibly kill or be killed for your country. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why they want to force children to swear this.

Taxing My Patience

It seems, at times, their thoughts are lax.
They can't seem to marshal the facts.
Though his thoughts seem strewn
Bryan Fischer's a loon:
He says "Go to church or be taxed."

I wish, from time to time, that I was more prone to use hyperbole as a rhetorical device. Sometimes it does appear that way, as I post the idiocy and drivel that comes my way. But this...this is a new brand of stupid, the likes of which I have not seen, and I have read a Ray Comfort book.

Bryan Fischer, of the American Family Association, came right out and said that if you do not go to church, then you should have to pay a tax.

No word yet on if a mosque or temple are allowed.

Words Mean Things

The best thing I've learned is ask why,
and all of life's answers you'll find.
Through all my queries
the big mystery's
how any "real" Christian could lie.

Words really and truly mean things. Very specific words mean very specific things. David Barton, historical revisionist extraordinaire, said:

"Now, that's why the Constitution's a problem. Look at Article III, Section 1, the treason clause--direct quote out of the Bible. You look at Article II, the quote on the President [having] to be native-born--that is Deuteronomy 17:15, verbatim. I mean, look at how many clauses come out [of the Bible]. That drives the secularists nuts, because the Bible is all over [the Constitution]. Now, we as Christians don't tend to recognize that. We think it's a secular document--we've bought into their lies. It's not."

Verbatim, as it so happens, is one of those pesky words that mean a very specific thing. Merriam-Webster's defines verbatim:

": in the exact words : word for word "

Lying for Jesus is still lying, and the Bible has very specific rules about lying.

Nip It In The Bud

If you think you might have a hunch
that your son might like boys a bunch.
He's got a limp wrist?
Then ball up your fist
and give that li'l guy a good punch.

Sean Harris, a pastor in North Carolina,went off on an interesting screed this past Sunday, extolling the virtues of child abuse as a means of gender identification.

"Can I make it any clearer? Dads, the second 

you see your son dropping the limp wrist, 

you walk over there and crack that wrist. 

Man up. Give him a good punch"

He has released a statement declaring his advocating of the punching of children to be a joke, taken out of context by the LGBT community.

Because jokes about beating children are the funniest.

Sean Harris, parent of the year candidate.

Scopes, Mark 2

Tennessee, known for its hooch,
has given the fundies a smooch.
They've shown that they see
facts are secondary.
Creation will be taught as truth.

The Scopes Monkey Trial was one of the most famous court trials in the history of the USA. In 1925, John Scopes was, ultimately, found guilty of teaching evolution in the classroom in violation of the law.

Here we are in 2012, banging our heads against the same wall. Science has proved, irrefutably, that evolution has occurred. Any other argument is a lie. Any person who says that there is a controversy in the science is a liar. Tennessee has allowed a bill to be passed into law that indulges the liars to let anti-science rhetoric into the classrooms in the state.

I am disappointed in the governor for not vetoing the bill. As a cynic, however, I am not surprised.

Love And Marriage And Bigotry

Sometimes these excuses are great,
and add humor to the debate.
They'll stand up and fight,
say "Don't take our rights!"
"If it's religious it's not hate!"

So, the newest argument from the religious leaders is that the legalization of same-sex marriage will cause them to be seen as bigots(PDF), therefore the marriages should not be allowed.

"As religious leaders across a wide variety of faith communities, 

we join together to affirm that marriage in its true definition must 

be protected for its own sake and for the good of society."

"In short, the refusal of these religious organizations to treat 

a same-sex sexual relationship as if it were a marriage 

marked them and their members as bigots, subjecting them 

to the full arsenal of government punishments 

and pressures reserved for racists."

Hey guys, I have a secret for you...

If you don't want to be seen as bigots the DON'T ACT LIKE A BIGOT.

Tyranny Of The Majority Is Still Tyranny.

Palumbo's shown to be a fool.
Laws are now suggestions not rules?
He picks on a teen
who's "evil and mean",
and thinks prayers are okay in school.

Peter Palumbo is not a nice person. After Jessica Ahlquist won her fight to have the banner removed from the Cranston West High School gym wall, he called her an "evil little thing". who is "being coerced by evil people".

Palumbo needs to grow up a bit, and realize that laws are to protect EVERYBODY. He also needs to recognize courage when he sees it, and to stand up for what's right.

With Great Power Comes Great Dickishness.

It would be nice if he cared,
perched on his throne in the air.
If all his grandeur
would help out the poor,
or if he did good anywhere.

God, as we have been told, is a stand-up kind of fellow. A really good guy, they say. That is why, in a new poll, 43 percent of people asked stated that they thought God was helping Tim Tebow win football games. 54 percent of people identifying as Republicans answered in the affirmative as well. So, instead of relieving pain and suffering that occurs worldwide, instead of stopping rapes and murders and genocide across the world, instead of protecting people from hurricanes, tornadoes and earthquakes, the "all-loving" God is helping a holier-than-though second-rate quarterback win football games.

That's a deity who, even if he did exist, I could not follow. That guy sounds like a dick.

God's own quarterback.

Reformation Through Evil

They say they want people to change.
The method they're using is strange.
If they took a look
at what's in that book
they'd see that they're really deranged

Yes, the bible is an evil book. It tells of a petty, vindictive, nasty, childish deity who would kill humanity as soon as look at it.

Now a judge in Alabama wants to use that book as a punishment, giving people who are charged with misdemeanors the choice between serving jail time and going to church every Sunday for a year. Mike Rowland, chief of police in Bay Minette, Alabama says it's all legal, because people will get a 'choice'.

Science, Judged.

Can't see the future? You're liable.
This court's missed the point by a mile.
The law gets abused
and then we all lose
Whenever there's science on trial

Scientists in Italy are going on trial for manslaughter, because they didn't predict an earthquake in 2009. A lawyer for one of the scientists is worried that, because the trial will be held in the city most affected, there is a chance that his client might be convicted. Although scientists worldwide have signed statements that support the Italians, people seem to think that science is ruled by laws that don't actually exist.

Perry Fiddled, Now Texas Burns

The only thing growing in drought?
Wildfires burning about.
Send prayers to the sky?
Texas stays bone dry.
With Jesus he has little clout.

Trying to water with prayer, he
might as well wish on a fairy.
But he never learns
as his home state burns:
Brought to you by Dick Prayer-ee.

In April, Dick Perry prayed that the drought in Texas would end. In May, Texas had plans to cut the state budget by $34 million, including the budget of the Texas Forest Service, the agency that is currently battling the wildfires plaguing the state. That budget went into effect September 1st, as fires raged out of control. Almost immediately after proposing that budget, Dick Perry begged the federal government for $52.5 million dollars to cover the cost of fighting the fires. I guess government expenditure is bad, except when it can help him.

They did, however, add a $40 million "rainy day fund", that they can use to pay one time costs. That will not help them in the future, though. Awesome planning from someone who thinks he should lead the whole country.

Great job, Dick.

Salvation: In Tents!

Though kids should always be scamps
and their minds we should not clamp
she makes them unhinged
while real thinkers cringe
as brainwashing goes on at camp.

The Friendly Atheist points to a book by child-abuser* Becky Fischer, a fundie-gelical preacher best known from Jesus Camp.



* All allegations of child abuse have not been verified by an official organization.

Divine Paychecks

Another dumb thing I have seen
pushed by idiots like Joel Osteen
Is how God will reward
(after death, of course)
those who give financial seeds.

Here's the best part of their pitch
(the thing that makes my eyes twitch):
The good book says, sure
Christ helped the poor
now it's clear God loves the rich.

Prosperity Theology is relatively new, as a part of Christianity. It basically states that the rich get all of their money because of God, and God wants everyone to be rich. The "financial seed" idea is particularly insidious. Using verses such as 2 Corinthians 9:6 :

But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; 

and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully.

The con artists get people to send them money in hopes of future rewards. And if those rewards are not forthcoming in this life? Well, God will reward them after they die, of course!

On Martian Aquifers and Noachian Submersion

NASA says "Water's on Mars!"
to some that might sound bizarre.
Though no one asked how
a creationist found
a reason how it got so far.

Four-thousand (or so) years ago
God, unto Noah did bestow
a pair of each kind,
a seafaring mind
and escape from the status quo.

Hurlbut has a new theory
Though the math isn't real clear, he
says that the liquid
not maybe but DID
came from the Earth. Now I'm weary.

The water on Mars is because
the Earth once suffered a flood.
Wait! How can that be?
Oh. I think I see...
He's as dense as a big bag of spuds.

NASA has indeed discovered evidence that suggests briny water is flowing on Mars. This is really neat science, and we do not yet understand all of the mechanics of the Martian water cycle. But this...oh this is soooo not the answer.

Terry Hurlbut is described as "a student of politics, philosophy, and science for more than 35 years", as well as, apparently, an astrophysicist, geologist and a specialist in hydraulics and hydrodynamics. I claim to be none of those things. I am just a reasonably intelligent guy, with at least some grasp on how physics works in the real world. And they don't work that way, Terry.

And if you wish to discuss it here, I won't moderate to keep out any tough questions I can't answer.




Hat tip to FSTDT for the link

My new pal

I met a new friend, name of Sandy.
She hates it when people get randy.
The problem is she's
getting down on her knees.
Which her invisible friend thinks is dandy.

Think Progress spins a tale of idiocy, where a female pundit compares necessary medical coverage to manicures and pedicures. I wonder what happened to her, that she hates the rest of her gender. That's the only reason I could think of for that level of stupid. I guess it could also be money.

Hat tip to Ed Brayton

Vikings?

Westboro's got a new thing.
To Norway they now want to bring:
Their backwards ideas,
their hate and their fears.
Can we bring back the old school Vikings?


From this news post. Google translate, because I don't read Norwegian.

I fucking hate Tim Tebow

If you do not know who Tim Tebow is, get out from under your rock and turn on ESPN. He is the Heisman winning QB from Florida, who, if he wins the SEC championship game, will play in yet another national championship game. Huzzah for him.

Why do I fucking hate Tim Tebow?

He was recently on a missionary trip to the Philippines. That trip is bad enough in and of itself. People went for medical and dental care, yet had to sit through a religious spiel before getting treated. I consider that cruel and unusual punishment, but those people need the treatment, so any is good. But that wasn't enough for Mr. Tebow.

Deciding that he wanted to get more "hands on", he assisted doctors with circumcisions.

Think about that.

Tim Tebow, majoring in "family, youth and community sciences" (Whatever the hell that is. Science? Really?) took up a needle and thread (okay, sutures are subtly different) and sewed up freshly mutilated penises. I know that medical standards in the Philippines are more lax than here, but really?

The important point to me is the genital mutilation. If anyone tries to tell you that circumcision (male genital mutilation) is for any reason other than religious, you can feel free to safely ignore anything else they have to say.

If anyone tells you that circumcision (male genital mutilation) is different or better than the slicing off of the labia or clitoris of little girls, feel free to punch them in their throat, because it is the same thing. It is mutilating the genitals of a young child, an innocent who knows nothing but the pain.

Fuck you, Tim Tebow. I fucking hate you.




References

A Visit From PZ

There was a Professor from Morris
who gathered the cast and the chorus.
And we all headed down
to visit the clowns
and the bibleists that all abhor us.

As day broke, sunny and grand,
the heathens from all o'er the land
north, east, west and south
all by different routes,
for reason we'd take a firm stand.

To Kentucky we all did flock.
Racing so we'd beat the clock
so if we were inclined
we might head up the line
so we could be the first to mock.

With ticket and button in hand
we followed through with our plan:
for ourselves to see
the insanity
of Ken Ham's folly first hand.

As soon as we walked in the door:
Behold! A large pterasaur!
Graceful and free -
or not. It could be
it evolved to stay off the floor.

The next thing we saw was bizarre -
a grazing and growling brontosaur!
Then we saw what they did
with the raptors and kids.
The Flintstones can't be too far!

The Grand Canyon was, so they say,
carved by the flood in mere days.
If you ignored all the facts,
or hit your head with an axe
or replaced your brain with mayonnaise.

They said if we came we'd believe,
but not after Adam and Eve!
We laughed, not from spite -
we could tell from first sight
that this place was built to deceive

Next was Noah and his Ark.
The departure from fact was stark!
While the rain quickly poured
God put the dinos on board
but didn't have room for the shark.

Heaven forbid if you doubt them
cause no one's more honest than Ken Ham!
He said “You can trust us!”
“We're just lying for jebus!”
and the creo-zombies echo “Amen!”

If there was one part of that twaddle
that kept me from coming unraveled
was the sight of PZ
gloriously
on the dino that was wearing a saddle.

While there we laughed and we learned.
We left wondering how facts could be spurned.
The day went as we thought.
The science was naught.
So we vowed we would never return.

Here is the moral of my tale:
stay away from this shrine to fail!
But if visit you must,
to hide your disgust
go filled up with whiskey and ale.

Edited to fix the spacing.

Don't Vote on Election Day!

I want to make a challenge to those fundagelicals who believe so fervently that their jeebus will carry McCain into the presidency:

Don't vote.

Seriously, don't vote. Gawsh will make those eeevil Dems lose, as long as you have faith enough. By voting, you are showing gawd that you do not, in fact, have faith in him, and that will make baby jeebus cry.

So, just stay at church on November 4th, and leave it in the hand of your particular magic sky zombie.

Female Genital Mutilation

CNN is reporting that Attorney General Michale Mukasey has refused to allow the deportation of a 28 year old woman who had her genitalia removed by her tribe in Mali.

At long, long last, a member of the Bush administration has been hit in the head by the clue-by-four, and has become infected by common sense.

My question, though, is how can you be so vehemently against FGM, but look the other way when thousands of little boys have their genitals mutilated everyday?