The Recipe For Matrimonial Bliss

Can't find a bride? What's to be done?
Tried dating and failed and you're stunned?
Don't worry, don't fret!
There's hope for you yet.
If you need a wife, just take one!

Cuttlefish (grrr) shared a link about a worldwide problem. Men are kidnapping girls, some as young as 14, in order to force them to marry. In some cultures this is a religious issue, in some it is just how things are done.

I got my wife the old fashioned way.

Scruffy, Prescient And Wise

In prison you take what you get.
Though sometimes you make a bad bet.
But what can you do?
Things go bad when you
make sangria in your terlet.

Twelve prisoners got botulism after drinking hooch made from contraband food.

Of course, it's shank or be shanked.

Tortured Rhyme

It don't matter who broke what law.
This has to be the last straw!
This never bodes well,
A fate worse than hell:
Forced to listen to Rush Limbaugh.

Bridgett Nickerson Boyd was driving along a Texas highway, when her car broke down. Doing the responsible thing, she drove her car to the shoulder, safely out of traffic. Sheriff's Deputy Mark Goad pulled behind her. He then ticketed her for driving in the shoulder. Her "suddenly racing heart" prompted a visit from the paramedics. Deputy Goad then arrested Ms. Boyd after she was examined and released from the hospital. As he was rushing to get her to jail, he cranked up the volume on ol' Rush. A fate worse than death, indeed.

Oh, yeah. As soon as Ms. Boyd was taken in front of a magistrate, all charges were dropped.

On The Proximity Of An Elected Official

To find the source of their fear
and why their heads aren't so clear
Just look in their eyes.
you'll find no surprise:
It's because the president's near.

Yup. Blazing Saddles jokes. I have no shame.