It's As If Everyday Is My Birthday!

This year, for the lulz I'm rootin'.
The right? Their own feet they're shootin'.
Let's vote for the dope
and real soon, I hope,
we'll be cruisin' for a Newton

Newt Gingrich is the Hero of South Carolina, beating Mitt by nearly 13%. Since Dick Perry dropped out, my allegiance for laughs have shifted to Newt.

Newt and Mitt discuss their chances of winning in November

Can't Beat 'Em? Blow 'Em All Up!

The GOP is now sweatin'.
South Carolina is gettin'
to be a good place
for an ugly race.
Gingrich declared Armageddon.

One of the great things about following politics is the personalities involved. Newt, if you remember from the '90s, shut down the government as Speaker of the House, by not allowing a vote on budgets. He did this because, on a flight on Air Force One, he was asked to sit towards the rear of the plane, away from the president and other dignitaries. Now, in the style only a truly petulant child could bring, Newt has decided to fire both barrels at Mitt in the South Carolina primary race.

A scorched earth policy would truly be the best thing for the Republicans, at least in the humble opinion of this pinko-commie heathen.

The Traveler has come.

When Desperation Meets Dumb.

Pity the mind of poor Newt
who seems is in it for the loot.
With his offenses
come to your senses
and give this poor fucker the boot.

I am a fan of the Republican primary season. Not because I have a horse in the race, but because of the humor. The humor is amazing. This primary season is one that Thurber would write, or Twain, or any other great American satirist. The Republican candidates are not presidential. They are parodies of what an awful president would be. The Republicans have put forward a group of candidates that you might expect to be allowed to run by a tin-pot dictator in a banana republic, not legitimate contenders to the highest position in the country, and the leader of the free world.

Take, for example, Newt Gingrich. After falling like a stone from the front-runner position, he has attempted to curry favor from the idiots that encompass the base of the right by making this statement:

“I, also, am an amateur paleontologist, so I’ve spent 

a lot of time looking at the earth’s temperature 

over a long time, and I’m a lot harder to convince 

than just looking at a computer model.”

That right there is weapons grade stupid. That is not the kind of statement a thinking person makes. That is the kind of statement an idiot makes. Or a hypocrite pandering for votes.

I think both descriptions fit.

Former Speaker Gingrich and his wife, Stepford.

Cookies, Gravity And A Liar.

He uses his god to spout hatred.
His chances to win? Overrated.
If I e'er met Newt
one question I'd shoot:
"Which marriage did you find most sacred?"

Isaac Newton described gravity and laid the foundation for classical mechanics, Fig Newtons are awesome. But why, then, is Newton Gingrich the despicable person he is?

1 Newton (physics) - the amount of net force required to accelerate a mass of one kilogram at a rate of one meter per second squared.

1 Newton (food) - 1 Deliciousness Factor

1 Newton (politics) - A Standardized Level Of Hypocrisy

Example: Newt Gingrich saying that gays will destroy the sanctity of marriage while divorcing his wife as she recovers from cancer so he can marry the woman he was having an affair with, then divorcing that woman to marry another woman he was having an affair with is 3 Newtons of dumb.