If You Can't Stand The Heat...

With warming becoming the norm
we'll all have to weather the storm.
I was taken aback
when water that's fracked
is what Indians drank to keep warm.

In one of the most profoundly stupid things I've heard today, a Colorado state senator has come out and said that 'fracking', the act of hydraulically fracturing rock deposits to capture the trapped methane, is not only safe, but it is natural as well. Randy Baumgardner, it should surprise nobody, is a Republican. He was giving an interview to Gordon Klingenschmitt in Denver and said this:

“They talk about methane in the water and this, that, 

and the other, but if you go back in history and 

look at how the Indians traveled, they traveled to the

‘burning waters.’ And that was methane in the waters 

and that was for warmth in the wintertime.”

So...there it is then. He doesn't seem to adequately explain if they drank the water to stay warm or if they just caught it on fire and huddled around the flames.

What the Internet is For

When you understand your demography
just wants political pornography
and they find that his'try's
too much of a mys'try
don't think that they'll get geography

Why yes, I do have a punchable face

I am seriously starting to get confused as to whether or not right-wing are willfully ignorant, incredibly stupid, or just liars. I know, I know, it's probably all of them. Also, I should probably just stop reading the news.

Todd Rikita, a Republican (duh) Congressman from Indiana has said that the children coming to the US from Central American countries are carrying the Ebola virus. This is an incredibly stupid statement that is either a lie or shows a disturbing lack of knowledge of geography and medicine. A quick search would show that Central Africa, where Ebola is prevalent, is not near Central America, from where the children come.

The most likely answer is that he's pandering to his political base, spreading lies to ensure his re-election.

Laws and Suits

Won't do what you're hired to do?
Your priorities are all askew?
Does the president
cause you great torment?
Then you should prob'ly just sue.

It's my party, I'll cry if I want to.

The congressional vacation just started. 5 weeks of paid time off. A glorious time during which politicians work separating fools from their money, all to get elected again so they can keep separating fools from their money. Before they left Washington, however, they had a full slate of bills that required immediate attention.

They held a vote on whether or not to sue the President.

On a party line vote (which 5 Republicans voted with the Democrats), the House of Representatives voted to move forward with a lawsuit that will sue President Obama for issuing an executive order that relaxed some of the requirements on businesses under the Affordable Care Act.

What did they not vote on?

A transportation bill, that would provide funding for vital infrastructure projects.

An immigration/border bill, that would provide much needed funding to help relieve the humanitarian crisis of tens of thousands of children who make their way to the United States in order to flee violence in their Central American home countries.

But they did vote to sue the president for issuing an executive order, which has been done since George Washington was elected to be our first President.

The irony of this situation is that the Republicans, one day after voting to sue President Obama, asked that he issue an executive order to help resolve the border crisis.

It would be humorous if these people didn't have power.

Changes

I think the right's often deranged
but Portman said something that's strange.
Gay marriage is okay
now that his son is gay.
I doubt, though, that this leads to change.

Rob Portman, the Republican junior Senator from Ohio, has recently come out in support of the legalization of the marriage of homosexuals. This abrupt turnaround on this policy comes after his son announced his own homosexuality.

As much as I wish that he would have supported marriage equality just for the sake of equality, it is a huge step forward for those of us not bigoted. I can almost guarantee, though, that when he comes up for reelection he will face a staunch primary battle because now he is a RINO. The far-right ideologues will not stand for anyone who is even a bit left of them.

In A Nutshell

Now let me be perfectly clear:
When you are in front of your peers
you should be able
to bring to the table
more than "We don't need new ideas."

That quote, from Marco Rubio at the Conservative Political Action Conference, perfectly sums up the GOP. They have pushed aside any who have dared speak to the fact that their platform might, perhaps, be a little 14th century for a supposed 21st century civilization. Chris Christie, for example, was not invited to speak at the conference this year after he was seen to be a little too left of crazy.

If you do not introduce new ideas to your thinking, then the world will move on without you. You will continue to be marginalized and left out of further adult discourse.

Not So Fresh

This is the story 'bout how
'Zona got flipped upside down.
They started a fight
to erase the rights
of students by forcing a vow.

Republicans in Arizona have submitted a bill that would make the following vow necessary for completion of High School in the state.

I, _________, DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR THAT I WILL SUPPORT AND DEFEND THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES AGAINST ALL ENEMIES, FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC, THAT I WILL BEAR TRUE FAITH AND ALLEGIANCE TO THE SAME; THAT I TAKE THIS OBLIGATION FREELY, WITHOUT ANY MENTAL RESERVATION OR PURPOSE OF EVASION; AND THAT I WILL WELL AND FAITHFULLY DISCHARGE THESE DUTIES; SO HELP ME GOD.

There's no chance, of course, that this would pass any sort of constitutional muster. that doesn't matter to these people. They are more than willing to either make people lie or withhold their diplomas in order to force their theocratic idiocy onto the population.

I took an oath similar to this when I joined the military. I can understand that type of oath or affirmation when you are signing up to possibly kill or be killed for your country. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why they want to force children to swear this.

Political Science

Let's say that you wanted to be
on the right's "science" committee.
The first rule of thumb:
learn how to act dumb
and keep your opinions fact-free.

The Republicans in the House of Representatives have released the list of members who are on the House Science Committee, and the results would be amusing if it weren't so damned scary. Among those announced are two Representatives who have been covered here before, Phil Gingrey and Paul Broun.

These are the people who will be shaping science legislation for the next two years.

Yikes.

Another Legitimate Limerick

Even though they've lost the fight
no one e'er said that they're bright.
But still these dumb clowns
are hanging around
and keep saying idiocy's right.

Months after Todd Akin lost his bid for a Senate bid in Missouri after making his "legitimate rape" comment, the stupidity has returned to center stage. Now Phil Gingrey, a Republican from Georgia, has double down on the moronic statements, coming out stating that Akin's statements were "partly right".

"I don’t find anything so horrible about that. But then he went on and said that in a situation of rape, of a legitimate rape, a woman’s body has a way of shutting down so the pregnancy would not occur. He’s partly right on that."

Which part, I wonder, was he right on?

The Other Grover

Norquist has said that it's wrong
to sing the "negotiate" song.
What *I* think is bad?
Republicans had
all sucked on this tea-bagger's bong.

So now Norquist changes the tune.
"Now negotiation's a boon!"
The irony's lost.
We all pay the cost.
But still people follow this loon.

Posted over at WWJTD.

Theoretically

Sometimes it is easy to tell
who is or not mentally well.
Just ask them and see
if it's just a theory
or lies straight from the pit of hell.

Sigh.

Paul Broun is a U.S. Congressman from Georgia. He is an M.D., and considers himself a scientist. He is also the chair of the House Science Committee. He is also an idiot.

During a speech delivered at Liberty Baptist Church in Hartwell, Georgia, he said a most astoundingly stupid thing:

"God's word is true. I've come to understand that. All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and the big bang theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of Hell"

This man is on the SCIENCE COMMITTEE! This person is in charge of legislation that helps determine the direction of science research in this country, and says such an abysmally ignorant thing, something which should disqualify him from that position.

He'll keep getting reelected, though. Republicans think education is a bad idea.

The 'C' Word

The right wing has opened my eyes,
though it should not have been a surprise.
If you haven't heard,
then new bad 'c' word
is the evil thing called 'compromise'.

I'm a bit of a political junkie. I love the democratic process, the nuts and bolts of our electoral machine. I also very much enjoy watching the implosion of a major political party. The Republicans have whole-heartedly embraced the lunatic fringe, the teahadist insurgents hell-bent on either everyone believing their way or destroying everything and salting the earth behind them, ensuring nothing will ever grow again.

I know that there are lunatics of every political stripe. On the left there is ELF, ALF, Greenpeace and PETA. The difference, however, is the fact that the left doesn't embrace the fringe as their base, insisting that everyone follow their beliefs lock-step, and excoriating those who don't follow their rabid frothings as not true believers and jettisoning them from the party.

The right has truly come to believe that compromise is a dirty word, and they will shut down the democratic process instead of finding a common ground.

Check It

Ignoring all semblance of tact
Romney's aides have finally cracked.
They said, right out loud
"Our campaign won't be cowed
by people who choose to check facts."

An aide for the Mitt Romney actually said "we’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers."

Out loud.

In front of other people.

Money Talks

Even before it had bloomed
Chris Christie knew it was doomed.
Although the ticket
asked him, he quit it
to avoid the G O P's gloom.

JT shares a story about ho Mitt Romney's first choice for his Vice-Presidential candidate, Chris Christie, turned down that 'honor' in order to remain governor of New Jersey. His reasoning?

Money.

If Christie would run on the presidential ticket, he would have to step down as governor, due to New Jersey's 'pay-to-play' laws. If he were to run, banks and other investment firms could not donate more than $250 to the campaign and still do business in NJ.

Would Christie had run if Romney had a chance of winning?

"But Christie adamantly refused to sacrifice his post, believing that being Romney’s running mate wasn’t worth the gamble."

That's faith in one's convictions.

He looks hungry.

Legitimate Limerick

Originally posted on Dispatches from the Culture Wars

Some things leave your mouth agape.
The bottom of barrels they’ll scrape.
It’s not a surprise
that Akin’s allies
defend his definition of rape.

Thus far I have stayed away from the idiocy that is Todd Akin. Akin is a Republican member of Congress from Missouri. He is currently running for the Senate against Democrat Claire McCaskill. On Sunday the 19th, Akin made one of the most profoundly stupid statements a politician has ever uttered:

“It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, 

that’s [pregnancy from rape] really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape,

the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."

I can kind of understand the "legitimate" part of the statement. I'm sure he meant "forcible", which is how he and Paul Ryan have tried to define rape under proposed laws. The "try to shut that whole thing down" starts with a complete lack of understanding of basic human physiology and continues with a healthy dose of misogyny. Because, of course, if a woman gets pregnant then it is not a real rape. Her body didn't shut down the pregnancy, therefore she either wanted it or enjoyed it, so therefore no rape was committed.

Bryan Fischer has come out in support of Akin, even as Republicans have pulled both verbal and monetary support from him and his campaign.

November is Coming

After we vote they'll be cryin',
because we ain't buyin' their lyin'.
Mitt Romney's veep pick
is thick as a brick
He won't win the race 'cause of Ryan.

Mitt Romney has hit derp factor 9, choosing Wisconsin Republican Congressman Paul Ryan to be his running mate heading in to the Presidential election in November. Paul Ryan had become well known for his budget that would have gutted Medicare, while raising taxes on the lowest wage earners and cutting trillions in taxes from the richest Americans.

Some have said the Rep. Ryan is the smartest guy on the Republican's side. I'm not sure what that says about the right, but Ryan is what a stupid person would think a smart person would sound like.

A day of infamy

As your voting base gets littler
and your mind becomes brittler
just rip out a page
of the Book of Rage
and say your opponent is Hitler.

Today, August 1st, 2012, is a banner day for women's health. Insurance companies cannot charge a copay for a wide range of preventative measures, including mammograms and birth control. These new guidelines don't help women who are not insured, but it's a start.

The Republicans have decided to take a completely different approach. By not requiring a co-pay, they argue, the government is attacking their First Amendment rights. Mike Kelly, a Pennsylvania Representative, spouted:

"I know in your mind you can think of times when America was attacked. One is December 7th, that's Pearl Harbor day.  The other is September 11th, and that's the day of the terrorist attack. I want you to remember August the 1st, 2012, the attack on our religious freedom. That is a day that will live in infamy, along with those other dates."

Not to be out-derped, New York Representative Ann Marie Buerkle babbled:

"August the 1st is a day that we as American will look at as the largest assault on our First Amendment rights."

I can understand their point. It's not like Jesus ever healed anyone without charging them.

Political Dissent

Can't stand which way he might vote?
Don't care 'bout his rights, not a mote?
One thing that ought'll
silence him: A bottle.
Or just shove a rag down his throat.

Good old Ohio. Just when I jump on Texas for Republican idiocy, my home state roars right back, trying to take the lead in a horribly depressing race.

Mitt Romney was stumping in Parma on Thursday, July 5th. A couple of rabble-rousers were exercising their "god-given" First Amendment rights, shouting "Pawlenty, Go Home" as the Minnesota Governor was giving his speech at the Parma strip mall. A true patriot, named Richard Brysac, thought that the peaceful chanting had gone too far, had crossed a line that should never have been crossed. So Mr. Brysac acted in the most patriotic way he could.

He tried to silence a chanter by drowning him with bottled water. When that didn't work, Mr. Brysac took the next logical step. That step, of course, was gagging the chanter, Al Neal, with a balled up handkerchief.

When asked why he assaulted Mr. Neal, Mr. Brysac stated:

"He seemed thirsty, so I tried to shove the bottle in his mouth. I thought it was wrong to interfere with [Pawlenty's] freedom of speech."

He then added:

"I acted out of character and I apologize if I offended anyone."

No, you acted completely in character. Politics is taking an ugly, ugly turn in this country. I just hope the violence doesn't increase in the next four months. I also hope that people can accept the results peacefully, no matter which team wins.

Politics is a gentleman's game.

Take The Plunge

I've got a tip for you, Rand:
Don't say such dumb things offhand.
Leave thoughts to those who's
ideas aren't so skewed
and just keep your head in the sand.

Rand Paul, dentist/senator/constitutional lawyer/historian extraordinaire has taken a plunge off the derp end after the Supreme Court ruling on the Affordable Care Act. In a statement so lacking in forethought, he said something so inane that it is scarcely believable a person could have made it and still have brainpower to breath.

“Just because a couple people on the Supreme Court declare

something to be ‘constitutional’ does not make it so.

The whole thing remains unconstitutional."

Yeah, Rand. That's precisely what it means. If the Supreme Court rules it constitutional, according to the what is written in the CONSTITUTION, it is constitutional.

A New Low

If you've bid intelligence adieu,
and think that our progress is through
let your mind decay
just kneel down and pray:
"Today I will learn nothing new!"

This was going to be just a one-off limerick, something that has been buzzing around in my skull for a couple of days that I had to get out. The idea that "I will learn nothing new today" seems to be a motto of right-wing kooks, something that they adhere to but never actually say out loud.

Until now.

Yesterday, the platform of the Texas GOP was released (PDF), and it has some horribly regressive gems in it. The kicker has got to be this sparkling turd:

"We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS)

(values clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs 

that are simply a relabeling of Outcome-Based Education (OBE)

(mastery learning) which focus on behavior modification and 

have the purpose of challenging the student’s fixed beliefs and 

undermining parental authority."

Yup. The official platform of the Republican Party of Texas decries critical thinking. because it might challenge what the student believes. And we can't have that, can we?

Scopes, Mark 2

Tennessee, known for its hooch,
has given the fundies a smooch.
They've shown that they see
facts are secondary.
Creation will be taught as truth.

The Scopes Monkey Trial was one of the most famous court trials in the history of the USA. In 1925, John Scopes was, ultimately, found guilty of teaching evolution in the classroom in violation of the law.

Here we are in 2012, banging our heads against the same wall. Science has proved, irrefutably, that evolution has occurred. Any other argument is a lie. Any person who says that there is a controversy in the science is a liar. Tennessee has allowed a bill to be passed into law that indulges the liars to let anti-science rhetoric into the classrooms in the state.

I am disappointed in the governor for not vetoing the bill. As a cynic, however, I am not surprised.