Why I like hockey.

Go to 4:06 in this video, to see one of the best hockey moves ever.

Our next president?

Though he's a mean, ornery cuss
and people would make a big fuss,
he'd still be the one
I'd vote for (if he'd run).
Dick Cheney! (Before he dicks us.)

Healthy hearts

From here

I wear my heart on my sleeve.
It's harder than you would believe!
But if it gets lost,
no matter the cost,
a new one I might soon receive.

As I watch it pulsing on the table,
I think someday they will be able
to take apart
and repair my heart
when my lifestyle has made it unstable.

Creationist mis-represents Darwin? Never!

Another from Pharyngula. I REALLY need a life.

These morons need taken to task,
and their stupidity needs unmasked.
If only they'd look
at what's inside the book.
But that might be too much to ask.

Race is a tough card to play.
One wrong move and you're out of the game.
But what Darwin meant
they will mis-represent
as they keep intelligence at bay.

If we all share the same earth and sky,
then why's hatred in oversupply?
Race, religion or creed
the last thing we need
is to hear all these Jesus freaks lie.

Don't just take this on my advice.
Think of how it could be paradise:
if we all give and get
just a little respect,
the best part - it's at such a low price.

Hoagland gets limericked

On the BA Blog

It seems Hoagland is at it again.
His stupidity hurts me, but then
when Phil's on the case
he'll have mud on his face
and slink silently back to his den.

I thought Miller was smarter than this.
I guess ratings are too good to miss.
It's easily solved
when money's involved.
So I guess all this crap will persist.

I hope you're not angry with me.
I've been a fan for a year (or three).
I hope that you're fine
that I dropped you a line
(and make sure you're not jealous of PZ).

Xian acting...blech

From Dispatches

Some Christians have made a new show
where the Atheists are really quite slow.
With men made of straw
the floor hurt my jaw
as their stupidity hit a new low.

I'm okay with satirical fun.
It can be funny if it's well done.
But when it's this bad
I wish that I had
an anti-stupidity gun.

Maybe when the next episode airs
they'll fix the scientific errors.
But, then, it seems
that would just leave
the credits, as if anyone cares.

More Florida stupidity

Another from PZ
The St. Pete's mayoral election
just got a pure stupid injection.
I might like to run
for that city in the sun,
but I'm allergic to genuflectin'

These local races, it seems,
can only be won from your knees.
With God on your side,
all you must hide
are your anti-constitutional schemes.

I hope that when this race is done
the person that they say has won
isn't this tool
or a similar fool
or any creationist spawn.

Imus Idiocy limerick

Posted here first.

From the Imuses once more we learn
that real science we all can spurn.
Your parenting lacks
if you're not anti-vax.
The stupid! Oh God! How it burns!

As the evidence continues to grow
and studies continue to show
that autism is not
caused by a shot,
more than all doctors they both seem to know.

Thanks, Orac, for fighting the fight.
Idiocy must be shown the light.
With people like you,
PZ and ERV too,
perhaps we can stem this blight.

Athiest birdies!

From this thread.

My 'tiels* have some thoughts on all this
They say, "Wait, God doesn't exist?"
And then they both say
(while the cat is away)
"Feed me or we'll bite off your wrist."

I wonder if they'd feel the same
(or would I just be changing the game)
Would they call me a sinner,
if, when the cat needed dinner
I'd forgotten to secure their cage?

God's where you want him to be.
In a book, in the air, on TV.
One thing I don't get:
Am I God to my pets?
I hope not; that thought terrifies me.


*Cockatiels, for all you non-avian types.

Vampira has passed

From here

Here we had Fritz the Nite Owl
late at night in Columbus town
On weekends at night
with humor and fright
we rarely went to bed with a frown.

Recently we watched Plan 9.
It was so bad, it's divine!
But Vampirella* has passed.
I hope she and her cast
are in that great Horror Show in the Sky.

*I know that it's Vampira, but I'm not going to change the original limericks.

PZ's contest limerick

From here, trying to win this book. I'm still not sure why I might want it.

I'm not sure that I want this book,
though it might be fun to have a look.
It would be helpful to me
as I get my Ph.D.
on how life evolved from a fish hook.

And then here, after I (thankfully) didn't win.

I was about to post in this thread.
Damn! Cuttlefish got here ahead!
Now see, here's the thing,
Cuttlefish is the king.
I might visit the birdie instead.

Scott Hatfield will, I am sure
(if his arms from the strain can endure)
use this book and its weight
for an appropriate fate
and thump the thumpers with their own words.

Cephalopod limerick fun!

From this thread.

Louis has made a new friend!
Perhaps this could be a new trend.
but once it's begun
it won't stop the fun
for reasons we can't comprehend.

For all of this octopus' charm,
I've heard that he will cause you harm.
I know that they're right,
I found out last night,
and I type limericks with only one arm.

You ask why he won't let it be,
why he reacts so violently?
The answer's the grin
on that plasticine chin
that screams so loud so silently.

Creation "science" "education" limerick

From here.

It seems that in Texas, Duane Gish
might actually get his wish!
A "science" degree,
so that all will now see
that man came from no stinkin' fish!

Now, hold on! What's this that I see?
His "science" is just mockery?
I have to think for a bit,
and recover my wit,
and I'll finish this up in verse three.

The ICR shouts "How do you know
that what the Bible says just isn't so?"
Snug, deep in their lair,
they scream "WERE YOU THERE?"
Asked for science? They skulk back below.

I (club) Huckabee limerick

Posted originally here

One thing that I'd like to see
is someone who's a fan of PZ
to see just how far
they'd get, if on their car
was a sign that says I (club) Huckabee.

While watching the Iowa caucus,
my most overwhelming thought was:
Are these people insane?
Were they stabbed in the brain?
Or are the Republicans just there to mock us?

It seemed that it was just a phase,
for in New Hampshire we woke from a daze
And then I heard
Huckabee was in third.
All I could do was just sit there, amazed.

I hope after Michigan we find
that our country has not lost it's mind.
For the last thing we need,
after incompetence and greed,
are evangelicals coming from behind.

Floridian IDiocy limerick

From here

The IDist in Florida are back
to mount a creationist attack
let's hope that we find
someone of sound mind
to pick up the rational slack

Armageddon will surely come soon.
Like Damocles' sword it looms.
Threatening to fall,
and destroying us all
if you listen to evangelistic loons.

Some day, one would hope, they will act
as if they've read just one single fact.
But I won't hold my breath,
for it would be a quick death,
because this IDiocy keeps coming back.

Ron Paul Limerick

From this thread.

You're right. I think Ron Paul is bad.
He'd be the worst president we've ever had.
His racism sucks,
but he brings in the bucks
even though he's an insufferable cad.

But people are easily swayed.
They buy the foundation he's laid.
They'd get along with you,
only until they knew
You were an atheist, Jew, or gay.

It's good to see this out in the press.
Maybe we can avoid a big mess.
It'd be refreshing to see
someone run rationally
but the chances are slim, I confess.