He uses his god to spout hatred.
His chances to win? Overrated.
If I e'er met Newt
one question I'd shoot:
"Which marriage did you find most sacred?"
Isaac Newton described gravity and laid the foundation for classical mechanics, Fig Newtons are awesome. But why, then, is Newton Gingrich the despicable person he is?
1 Newton (physics) - the amount of net force required to accelerate a mass of one kilogram at a rate of one meter per second squared.
1 Newton (food) - 1 Deliciousness Factor
1 Newton (politics) - A Standardized Level Of Hypocrisy
Example: Newt Gingrich saying that gays will destroy the sanctity of marriage while divorcing his wife as she recovers from cancer so he can marry the woman he was having an affair with, then divorcing that woman to marry another woman he was having an affair with is 3 Newtons of dumb.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Being Mental And Healthy
Some problems are those you can't see
and you wish that you could just flee.
You fight with the fact
your brain fights you back
and wonder if you'll ever be free.
I have, for a while now, been fighting depression. It is a vicious circle. Chronic pain can cause depression, and depression can cause or exacerbate chronic pain. My foot has been hurting me for years now, to the point that, at times, walking is a challenge. The pain has caused me some occasional "downs", but it finally caught up with me over the summer. As I described it to my doctor, when I finally was able to afford to see one (financial difficulties is another reason for my depression), I was worried but not yet scared. I could, in my mind, feel what each of the knives in our house would feel like as it ripped through my arm (down the road, not across the street). But I have never held a knife to myself in order to cause damage. It was all in my head.
Your head can do funny things to you. We are not in the best position, financially, but I have a wife whom I love, and who loves me very much. I have two children who give me endless joy. That doesn't matter when you have a mental health issue.
As I said, I was finally able to talk to someone about my problems. My doctor prescribed 20mg Citalopram nearly 2 months ago. It has taken a while, but I feel that the medication might finally be working and I might have finally turned a corner. Of course it is still early in my treatment and I have a long road ahead of me, but, for the first time in a while, I feel that I might come out the other side of this alright.
Limericks should be returning on a regular schedule shortly.
Thanks to JT Eberhard. His Skepticon IV talk is something everyone should see.
and you wish that you could just flee.
You fight with the fact
your brain fights you back
and wonder if you'll ever be free.
I have, for a while now, been fighting depression. It is a vicious circle. Chronic pain can cause depression, and depression can cause or exacerbate chronic pain. My foot has been hurting me for years now, to the point that, at times, walking is a challenge. The pain has caused me some occasional "downs", but it finally caught up with me over the summer. As I described it to my doctor, when I finally was able to afford to see one (financial difficulties is another reason for my depression), I was worried but not yet scared. I could, in my mind, feel what each of the knives in our house would feel like as it ripped through my arm (down the road, not across the street). But I have never held a knife to myself in order to cause damage. It was all in my head.
Your head can do funny things to you. We are not in the best position, financially, but I have a wife whom I love, and who loves me very much. I have two children who give me endless joy. That doesn't matter when you have a mental health issue.
As I said, I was finally able to talk to someone about my problems. My doctor prescribed 20mg Citalopram nearly 2 months ago. It has taken a while, but I feel that the medication might finally be working and I might have finally turned a corner. Of course it is still early in my treatment and I have a long road ahead of me, but, for the first time in a while, I feel that I might come out the other side of this alright.
Limericks should be returning on a regular schedule shortly.
Thanks to JT Eberhard. His Skepticon IV talk is something everyone should see.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
72 Years Is Not Enough Time For Love
The fires of love they fanned.
They weathered the small and grand.
Through good times and strife
they both shared one life
and they go out hand in hand.
A couple, married for 72 years, died in the hospital, holding each other's hand. From the article:
"It was really strange, they were holding hands, and dad stopped breathing but I couldn't figure out what was going on because the heart monitor was still going," said Dennis Yeager. "But we were like, he isn't breathing. How does he still have a heart beat? The nurse checked and said that's because they were holding hands and it's going through them. Her heart was beating through him and picking it up."
They weathered the small and grand.
Through good times and strife
they both shared one life
and they go out hand in hand.
A couple, married for 72 years, died in the hospital, holding each other's hand. From the article:
"It was really strange, they were holding hands, and dad stopped breathing but I couldn't figure out what was going on because the heart monitor was still going," said Dennis Yeager. "But we were like, he isn't breathing. How does he still have a heart beat? The nurse checked and said that's because they were holding hands and it's going through them. Her heart was beating through him and picking it up."
Pardon me. I have something in my eye.
Monday, October 17, 2011
What Is The Current Market Price For Children?
The Catholics say they've a heart
because they help families start.
The guilt goes away
if you will just pray
after tearing a family apart.
Catholics in Spain are accused of stealing nearly 300,000 babies from their mothers, and selling those babies to 'fit' parents. That is 15% of all adoptions in Spain over the 50 years. A network of nurses, doctors and priests would tell women that their child had died, but they could not see the body or attend the funeral.
Why did they have to stop? The Spanish government started regulating adoptions.
because they help families start.
The guilt goes away
if you will just pray
after tearing a family apart.
Catholics in Spain are accused of stealing nearly 300,000 babies from their mothers, and selling those babies to 'fit' parents. That is 15% of all adoptions in Spain over the 50 years. A network of nurses, doctors and priests would tell women that their child had died, but they could not see the body or attend the funeral.
Why did they have to stop? The Spanish government started regulating adoptions.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
In Which I Reveal My True Love
The thought of it sets me to shakin'.
When near me it sets my loins quakin'.
I jump up and down
when I hear the sound
of my one truest love, bacon.
When near me it sets my loins quakin'.
I jump up and down
when I hear the sound
of my one truest love, bacon.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Dick Perry Is At It Again
Climate Change, again on trial
because Dick is still in denial.
Scientists pull their names
because they have brains.
And Dick's is a steaming pile.
Every scientist associated with an environmental report have asked that their names be taken off that report after every reference to climate change and sea level rise were scrubbed by appointees of Dick Perry. They have gone from sticking their fingers in their ears going "la la la la" to actively lying to people about the science.
Great job, Dick.
because Dick is still in denial.
Scientists pull their names
because they have brains.
And Dick's is a steaming pile.
Every scientist associated with an environmental report have asked that their names be taken off that report after every reference to climate change and sea level rise were scrubbed by appointees of Dick Perry. They have gone from sticking their fingers in their ears going "la la la la" to actively lying to people about the science.
Great job, Dick.
The Long, Long, Long, Long Goodbye
When you know that all you see
will be nothing, eventually
It'll make you mad.
You'll think you've been had.
Please die in a fire, entropy.
Entropy has always seemed to me to be the most...insufficient end to such a wonderful, glorious universe.
will be nothing, eventually
It'll make you mad.
You'll think you've been had.
Please die in a fire, entropy.
Entropy has always seemed to me to be the most...insufficient end to such a wonderful, glorious universe.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Surfin' Safari
Want to catch waves as a lark,
and surfboards don't provide a spark?
Then take a new tack,
be like Doug Niblack
and surf on the back of a shark.
Doug Niblack, a surfer in Oregon, was doing what surfers do. He ran into something, and was knocked off his surfboard. Then he found himself standing on the back of a shark. He then surfed that shark like a boss.
and surfboards don't provide a spark?
Then take a new tack,
be like Doug Niblack
and surf on the back of a shark.
Doug Niblack, a surfer in Oregon, was doing what surfers do. He ran into something, and was knocked off his surfboard. Then he found himself standing on the back of a shark. He then surfed that shark like a boss.
Watch The Guild. Do It. Now.
At last now my week has been filled.
The season's last show of The Guild!
'Tis true, it's the end.
But fret not my friends:
they won't leave us long unfulfilled.
Congratulations to Felicia Day, Sandeep Parikh, Jeffy Lew, Vincent Caso, Amy Okuda, and Robin Thorsen on completing another amazing season of The Guild. It was a joy to watch, and the cameos were icing on a delicious, funny cake.
The season's last show of The Guild!
'Tis true, it's the end.
But fret not my friends:
they won't leave us long unfulfilled.
Congratulations to Felicia Day, Sandeep Parikh, Jeffy Lew, Vincent Caso, Amy Okuda, and Robin Thorsen on completing another amazing season of The Guild. It was a joy to watch, and the cameos were icing on a delicious, funny cake.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The Recipe For Matrimonial Bliss
Can't find a bride? What's to be done?
Tried dating and failed and you're stunned?
Don't worry, don't fret!
There's hope for you yet.
If you need a wife, just take one!
Cuttlefish (grrr) shared a link about a worldwide problem. Men are kidnapping girls, some as young as 14, in order to force them to marry. In some cultures this is a religious issue, in some it is just how things are done.
I got my wife the old fashioned way.
Tried dating and failed and you're stunned?
Don't worry, don't fret!
There's hope for you yet.
If you need a wife, just take one!
Cuttlefish (grrr) shared a link about a worldwide problem. Men are kidnapping girls, some as young as 14, in order to force them to marry. In some cultures this is a religious issue, in some it is just how things are done.
I got my wife the old fashioned way.
Millard. Is That Even A Real Name?
Leading the pack is dear Mitt,
a duplicitous little shit.
He'll make a comment
Say" That's not what I meant"
then smile like a self-absorbed git.
I'm not a fan of Mitt Romney, either. He's a two-faced liar, who will always say whatever he think the current crowd wants to hear. The fun thing to watch this election cycle is how he simultaneously panders to the religious right, while talking down his Mormonism. Selling the idea that religion doesn't matter to Christian fundamentalists is an exercise in cognitive dissonance that should be hilarious.
a duplicitous little shit.
He'll make a comment
Say" That's not what I meant"
then smile like a self-absorbed git.
I'm not a fan of Mitt Romney, either. He's a two-faced liar, who will always say whatever he think the current crowd wants to hear. The fun thing to watch this election cycle is how he simultaneously panders to the religious right, while talking down his Mormonism. Selling the idea that religion doesn't matter to Christian fundamentalists is an exercise in cognitive dissonance that should be hilarious.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Why I Am An Atheist
The beauty of life that we see
from an ant to the tallest tree
is explained by science.
There's no reliance
on anything, supernaturally.
I am an atheist because
I looked at religion and saw
that every belief
offers no relief
and each one is fatally flawed.
If we can let religions go
only then can we all know:
We're here together
in this grand adventure
and only as one can we grow.
There is a grandeur to this view
Darwin once said. It's still true.
Beautiful endless forms
have become transformed.
Open your mind, you'll see it too.
PZ Myers has put out a call for submissions of short essays on "Why I Am An Atheist". I prefer my essays in limerick form.
Even The Monkeys Are Ashamed
I still hope that we, as a group
won't define ourselves by our troop.
I know we're monkeys
but I still thought we
had evolved past flinging our poop.
Rebecca Watson shares a tale from the BBC in which ultra-orthodox Jews flung feces, among other less disgusting items, at girls just trying to get to school. Religion causes de-evolution?
And yes, I know that we are not technically monkeys.
won't define ourselves by our troop.
I know we're monkeys
but I still thought we
had evolved past flinging our poop.
Rebecca Watson shares a tale from the BBC in which ultra-orthodox Jews flung feces, among other less disgusting items, at girls just trying to get to school. Religion causes de-evolution?
And yes, I know that we are not technically monkeys.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sloppy Joe
The right has just gotten dumber
now that they have Joe the Plumber.
His candidacy
is irrelevancy.
With thoughts he is not encumbered.
"Joe" the Plumber, flavor of the week from the 2008 presidential race, has announced that he will run for Congress. This is great news for Marcy Kaptur, the House's longest serving female member.
now that they have Joe the Plumber.
His candidacy
is irrelevancy.
With thoughts he is not encumbered.
"Joe" the Plumber, flavor of the week from the 2008 presidential race, has announced that he will run for Congress. This is great news for Marcy Kaptur, the House's longest serving female member.
Scruffy, Prescient And Wise
In prison you take what you get.
Though sometimes you make a bad bet.
But what can you do?
Things go bad when you
make sangria in your terlet.
Twelve prisoners got botulism after drinking hooch made from contraband food.
Though sometimes you make a bad bet.
But what can you do?
Things go bad when you
make sangria in your terlet.
Twelve prisoners got botulism after drinking hooch made from contraband food.
Of course, it's shank or be shanked.
My Rowdy Friend
Herman Cain, Foreign Policy Guru
Some people think he's a saint,
but I think his ideas are quaint.
There's a thing or two
that Herman can do
And lots of things that Herman Cain't.
Herman Cain, Republican presidential hopeful, has stated that he doesn't care at all who is in charge of one of the countries that we might have to rely on in our war with Afghanistan. Knowing our international partners might not create a job, Mr. Cain, but it might go a long way in keeping our soldiers alive.
but I think his ideas are quaint.
There's a thing or two
that Herman can do
And lots of things that Herman Cain't.
Herman Cain, Republican presidential hopeful, has stated that he doesn't care at all who is in charge of one of the countries that we might have to rely on in our war with Afghanistan. Knowing our international partners might not create a job, Mr. Cain, but it might go a long way in keeping our soldiers alive.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
God Hates Tebow, Too
I guess that it just goes to show
it doesn't matter who you know.
He'll have to pray more
to rack up the score.
It's clear that god hates Tim Tebow
As both of my readers know, I am not a fan of Tim Tebow. Well, he had his first NFL start today. God did not see fit to grant him a win.
it doesn't matter who you know.
He'll have to pray more
to rack up the score.
It's clear that god hates Tim Tebow
As both of my readers know, I am not a fan of Tim Tebow. Well, he had his first NFL start today. God did not see fit to grant him a win.
Tortured Rhyme
It don't matter who broke what law.
This has to be the last straw!
This never bodes well,
A fate worse than hell:
Forced to listen to Rush Limbaugh.
Bridgett Nickerson Boyd was driving along a Texas highway, when her car broke down. Doing the responsible thing, she drove her car to the shoulder, safely out of traffic. Sheriff's Deputy Mark Goad pulled behind her. He then ticketed her for driving in the shoulder. Her "suddenly racing heart" prompted a visit from the paramedics. Deputy Goad then arrested Ms. Boyd after she was examined and released from the hospital. As he was rushing to get her to jail, he cranked up the volume on ol' Rush. A fate worse than death, indeed.
Oh, yeah. As soon as Ms. Boyd was taken in front of a magistrate, all charges were dropped.
This has to be the last straw!
This never bodes well,
A fate worse than hell:
Forced to listen to Rush Limbaugh.
Bridgett Nickerson Boyd was driving along a Texas highway, when her car broke down. Doing the responsible thing, she drove her car to the shoulder, safely out of traffic. Sheriff's Deputy Mark Goad pulled behind her. He then ticketed her for driving in the shoulder. Her "suddenly racing heart" prompted a visit from the paramedics. Deputy Goad then arrested Ms. Boyd after she was examined and released from the hospital. As he was rushing to get her to jail, he cranked up the volume on ol' Rush. A fate worse than death, indeed.
Oh, yeah. As soon as Ms. Boyd was taken in front of a magistrate, all charges were dropped.
When Amish Go Wild
I never thought in my lifetime
I'd have to make this kind of rhyme.
But this is just weird:
They're cutting off beards.
It's Amish-on-Amish crime
Stuebenville, Ohio is Amish country. But some Amish are more Amish than other Amish, and in order to set the not-as-Amish straight, there has been a series of attacks recently. In assaults that can only be called gruesome, they cut off each others' beards. Is nothing sacred? At long last, have we finally lost the last remnants of our humanity?
I'd have to make this kind of rhyme.
But this is just weird:
They're cutting off beards.
It's Amish-on-Amish crime
Stuebenville, Ohio is Amish country. But some Amish are more Amish than other Amish, and in order to set the not-as-Amish straight, there has been a series of attacks recently. In assaults that can only be called gruesome, they cut off each others' beards. Is nothing sacred? At long last, have we finally lost the last remnants of our humanity?
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