72 Years Is Not Enough Time For Love

The fires of love they fanned.
They weathered the small and grand.
Through good times and strife
they both shared one life
and they go out hand in hand.

A couple, married for 72 years, died in the hospital, holding each other's hand. From the article:

"It was really strange, they were holding hands, and dad stopped breathing but I couldn't figure out what was going on because the heart monitor was still going," said Dennis Yeager. "But we were like, he isn't breathing. How does he still have a heart beat? The nurse checked and said that's because they were holding hands and it's going through them. Her heart was beating through him and picking it up."

Pardon me. I have something in my eye.

What Is The Current Market Price For Children?

The Catholics say they've a heart
because they help families start.
The guilt goes away
if you will just pray
after tearing a family apart.

Catholics in Spain are accused of stealing nearly 300,000 babies from their mothers, and selling those babies to 'fit' parents. That is 15% of all adoptions in Spain over the 50 years. A network of nurses, doctors and priests would tell women that their child had died, but they could not see the body or attend the funeral.

Why did they have to stop? The Spanish government started regulating adoptions.

In Which I Reveal My True Love

The thought of it sets me to shakin'.
When near me it sets my loins quakin'.
I jump up and down
when I hear the sound
of my one truest love, bacon.

Dick Perry Is At It Again

Climate Change, again on trial
because Dick is still in denial.
Scientists pull their names
because they have brains.
And Dick's is a steaming pile.

Every scientist associated with an environmental report have asked that their names be taken off that report after every reference to climate change and sea level rise were scrubbed by appointees of Dick Perry. They have gone from sticking their fingers in their ears going "la la la la" to actively lying to people about the science.

Great job, Dick.

The Long, Long, Long, Long Goodbye

When you know that all you see
will be nothing, eventually
It'll make you mad.
You'll think you've been had.
Please die in a fire, entropy.

Entropy has always seemed to me to be the most...insufficient end to such a wonderful, glorious universe.

Surfin' Safari

Want to catch waves as a lark,
and surfboards don't provide a spark?
Then take a new tack,
be like Doug Niblack
and surf on the back of a shark.

Doug Niblack, a surfer in Oregon, was doing what surfers do. He ran into something, and was knocked off his surfboard. Then he found himself standing on the back of a shark. He then surfed that shark like a boss.

Watch The Guild. Do It. Now.

At last now my week has been filled.
The season's last show of The Guild!
'Tis true, it's the end.
But fret not my friends:
they won't leave us long unfulfilled.

Congratulations to Felicia Day, Sandeep Parikh, Jeffy Lew, Vincent Caso, Amy Okuda, and Robin Thorsen on completing another amazing season of The Guild. It was a joy to watch, and the cameos were icing on a delicious, funny cake.

The Recipe For Matrimonial Bliss

Can't find a bride? What's to be done?
Tried dating and failed and you're stunned?
Don't worry, don't fret!
There's hope for you yet.
If you need a wife, just take one!

Cuttlefish (grrr) shared a link about a worldwide problem. Men are kidnapping girls, some as young as 14, in order to force them to marry. In some cultures this is a religious issue, in some it is just how things are done.

I got my wife the old fashioned way.

Millard. Is That Even A Real Name?

Leading the pack is dear Mitt,
a duplicitous little shit.
He'll make a comment
Say" That's not what I meant"
then smile like a self-absorbed git.

I'm not a fan of Mitt Romney, either. He's a two-faced liar, who will always say whatever he think the current crowd wants to hear. The fun thing to watch this election cycle is how he simultaneously panders to the religious right, while talking down his Mormonism. Selling the idea that religion doesn't matter to Christian fundamentalists is an exercise in cognitive dissonance that should be hilarious.

Why I Am An Atheist

The beauty of life that we see
from an ant to the tallest tree
is explained by science.
There's no reliance
on anything, supernaturally.

I am an atheist because
I looked at religion and saw
that every belief
offers no relief
and each one is fatally flawed.

If we can let religions go
only then can we all know:
We're here together
in this grand adventure
and only as one can we grow.

There is a grandeur to this view
Darwin once said. It's still true.
Beautiful endless forms
have become transformed.
Open your mind, you'll see it too.

PZ Myers has put out a call for submissions of short essays on "Why I Am An Atheist". I prefer my essays in limerick form.

Even The Monkeys Are Ashamed

I still hope that we, as a group
won't define ourselves by our troop.
I know we're monkeys
but I still thought we
had evolved past flinging our poop.

Rebecca Watson shares a tale from the BBC in which ultra-orthodox Jews flung feces, among other less disgusting items, at girls just trying to get to school. Religion causes de-evolution?

And yes, I know that we are not technically monkeys.

Sloppy Joe

The right has just gotten dumber
now that they have Joe the Plumber.
His candidacy
is irrelevancy.
With thoughts he is not encumbered.

"Joe" the Plumber, flavor of the week from the 2008 presidential race, has announced that he will run for Congress. This is great news for Marcy Kaptur, the House's longest serving female member.

Scruffy, Prescient And Wise

In prison you take what you get.
Though sometimes you make a bad bet.
But what can you do?
Things go bad when you
make sangria in your terlet.

Twelve prisoners got botulism after drinking hooch made from contraband food.

Of course, it's shank or be shanked.

My Rowdy Friend

If Hank Williams Junior had sense,
he would work at mending this fence.
But sense he has spurned
and now he has learned
that an action has a consequence.

Oh, Hank. You so silly.

Pictured: jazz hands and fail

Herman Cain, Foreign Policy Guru

Some people think he's a saint,
but I think his ideas are quaint.
There's a thing or two
that Herman can do
And lots of things that Herman Cain't.

Herman Cain, Republican presidential hopeful, has stated that he doesn't care at all who is in charge of one of the countries that we might have to rely on in our war with Afghanistan. Knowing our international partners might not create a job, Mr. Cain, but it might go a long way in keeping our soldiers alive.

God Hates Tebow, Too

I guess that it just goes to show
it doesn't matter who you know.
He'll have to pray more
to rack up the score.
It's clear that god hates Tim Tebow

As both of my readers know, I am not a fan of Tim Tebow. Well, he had his first NFL start today. God did not see fit to grant him a win.

Tortured Rhyme

It don't matter who broke what law.
This has to be the last straw!
This never bodes well,
A fate worse than hell:
Forced to listen to Rush Limbaugh.

Bridgett Nickerson Boyd was driving along a Texas highway, when her car broke down. Doing the responsible thing, she drove her car to the shoulder, safely out of traffic. Sheriff's Deputy Mark Goad pulled behind her. He then ticketed her for driving in the shoulder. Her "suddenly racing heart" prompted a visit from the paramedics. Deputy Goad then arrested Ms. Boyd after she was examined and released from the hospital. As he was rushing to get her to jail, he cranked up the volume on ol' Rush. A fate worse than death, indeed.

Oh, yeah. As soon as Ms. Boyd was taken in front of a magistrate, all charges were dropped.

When Amish Go Wild

I never thought in my lifetime
I'd have to make this kind of rhyme.
But this is just weird:
They're cutting off beards.
It's Amish-on-Amish crime

Stuebenville, Ohio is Amish country. But some Amish are more Amish than other Amish, and in order to set the not-as-Amish straight, there has been a series of attacks recently. In assaults that can only be called gruesome, they cut off each others' beards. Is nothing sacred? At long last, have we finally lost the last remnants of our humanity?

One Hundredth Limerick

Thank you for all of your clicks
and for putting up with my shtick.
A century done
with lots more to come
I'm at one hundred limericks!

Thank you for taking the time
to visit this li'l blog of mine.
Both of my readers
made me the leader
of skeptical lim'ricks online.

I truly am grateful for each of you that reads my limericks.

Let's Go Jackets!

Now that hockey is back, it's
time that we all raise a racket.
Support your home team.
Let's stand up and scream
and everyone shout: LET'S GO JACKETS!

The Yankees have been eliminated, the Buckeyes are pedestrian, and the Vikings are god-awful.

But now it's hockey season!

It's a sports fan's prerogative to greet the start of every season with hope. This year, however, that hope is warranted. GM Scott Howson made some great moves this past summer, and I think that our hope will be well placed.